From my Blog Cross Roads

Cross Roads

I may not be the smartest or the best but I do have big dreams. I am a dreamer. It may seemed a bit far fetched to say that i am going to be famous one day, or cliche but that is one of my biggest goals. I feel like right now i am at cross roads. The biggest decision of my life, college. Where should I go? I know what i wanna be and what i wanna do but i dont know where i wanna go. if that made any sense at all. I think about that a lot. I worry that what if i do choose to go one way and i miss out on the chance to make it to really do what i wanna do. I wanna have the college experience and move away maybe along the way grow more independent, but its not that easy. I dont have any money and i know this might sound weird but i hate writing i cant just sit down and write an essay on how blah blah changed my life this may sound a bit self centered but i like writing about things that pertain to me not something that i dont care about as you can tell right now i don't know im just lost right now and i dont have a lot of time to find my way and i just hope when i do make the decision it is not the decision that ruins my whole future and im stuck living a mediocre life i dont wanna be normal i wanna become a computer programmer and make my own operating system and have my own company

Love lost

I admitt it I'm a player and I got caught in my game but it comes with a price win or lose the game doesn't end til I decide to retire maybe this will be good for me
I slipped up
I got caught

Atone

Now I feel like you forever atoning for my sins
Asking for your forgiveness
Secretly knowing ill never get it

Text messages i never sent

To    : How come everytime i ask who your talking to its called being nosey but when u ask its called caring
How come everytime u yell at me its because your mad but when i yell im tripping
How come when i get depressed you walk away and when you get depressed you push away how come when i pretend dont say anything you avoid me but when i try i always end up saying the wrong thing when i cuss your mom doesnt like it but when u cuss its cool

To ......: U said youd talk to me later never did said youd be up late u disapapear didnt hear from you

im not obsessive or tripping

your just unreasonable

you give me nothing to work with

everyone i talk to says talk to you talk to you but how can i when your never around

I hate when people think im overreacting

maybe i should treat you like you treat me

Starting Now!

Crash

So the worst thing happened to me i got in a car accident i was driving to my friends house and the light turned yellow and i thought i could make it so i sped up didnt see the car coming and hit the car trying to turn and the car ran into a poll and the guy was yelling at me and i was so scared the whole front end of the car just fell off and the air bags went off it was terrible and my friend was in the car it was the most embarrassing moment of my life and i wrecked my familys only car now i just feel like crap i have to pay more money i dont have so im gonna have to work my butt off at work and try to get more hours but since its winter theyre already cutting people ...so its going to be hard for me to get hours in the first place i just feel so depressed and my friends in worse shape then i am im fine and my friend she is just gonna go back to the hospital i feel bad like this is all my fault when it happened i was really pissed and then i just got sad and was sitting on the floor crying and begging my mom not to be mad at me right when things were getting better i had to ruin everything
-rina burr

The Perfect Confusion

Written November 4, 2010

Always digging through my old writings

I rarely ever get what I want in a person. I want a relationship to be perfect. I want that other person to be just like me but better. I rarely ever get what you want. I just realized that person was right in front of my face the whole time. Side note: I hate naming names in my blog I feel like everyones invading my privacy but I'll do it anyway. Rebecca my ex she is perfect. Unfortunately I am thrust with exactly what I want and I don't appreciate it. Oh well but that's not my problem. My problem is that I'm depressed and I'm not sure why. I have what I want I guess one of my exes that I've been wanting forever I have what I want and I'm still depressed. Maybe it's not what I really wanted or maybe I'm just sad over the fact that I know I'm not supposed to be dating and I am. Maybe I'm sad because I don't have a real gf. It's probably that a week or so ago I had a gf for like a day. Then she realized she didn't like me. Shocker I know. No one likes me like that. At least no one who lives by me. Anyway I don't know what to do I don't wanna hurt anyone and I don't wanna be sad I just wanna be happy. It's weird how having just anyone doesn't make me happy anymore I guess that's a plus but I just wanna get out of this hole I just wanna be happy what to do what to do?
-Rina Burr

Dream: Mr...?:

Note:

This was written a while ago excerpt from one of my daily blogs

I had this weird dream if anyone knows what it means let me know MESSAGE ME COMMENT I WANNA KNOW!!! My dream Me, Derek, jhan and Leticia were playing in this field and we were playing with frisbis. Our cellphone were turning into frisbis through the memory slot. You just pull the memory card and it turns into it. Then Derek had to go and jhan told me to walk him to his moms car so I did. But I had to run to catch up to him. When I finally cAught up to him he was looking for his mom and I'm like Derek wait up. Then all of a sudden Derek turned into a dog. Beside derek was a computer. I took Derek home and the computer to investigate. When I got home Derek turned invisible so my dad didn't see him when he walked in. I took him to my room and turned on the computer it said mr. ....(I don't remember his name)'s computer. Next to Derek appeared an earwig. I looked on the computer and there was a series of numbers all under different names. They all appeared to be hypnotists. First was the mr... I called him first. When I called it said " the number you have dialed is not in service. So i called the next number underneath the first one. It was a lady hynotist. I called and then immidiately there was a knock on the door. I opened it and the lady in the picture on the computer who's number i was calling said "you called" I said "sorry wrong number". As she was walking away I said "do you know who mr... Is?" the lady got this horror stricken look on her face and disappeared. Then I went back to the computer and kept trying to call mr... I finally realized that the number on the computer kept changing everytime I looked at it. Then I woke up.

Entry From My Diary: Written 7/14/07

Dear diary today was a horrible day first it was good, but then when I heard my Grandmother for over the years I have seen her fade away before my very eyes. I have heard that when someone you love dies part of you dies with them. I hope that doesnt happen to anyone. My grandmother died on 7/14/07. The good thing was she felt no pain and died in her sleep. Also everyone who she loved saw her. I will express my feelings in a poem.

The way she yelled at nurses
The way she smiled at me
The way she game me lemon drops
We dont have her
We have memories
We can cry
It cleanses the soul

There’s a bigger me Inside this little me Screaming out I should make history

-Justin Bieber

 Drive off take my girl to have a nice day
She was nice so I let her head my way
Look cute girl, what you wanna do girl?
-Better With The Lights Off by New Boyz
 
New Boyz ft. Chris Brown - Better With The Lights Off

Powered by @Rinab333

Don't just say, goodbye
I'll pick up these broken pieces
'til I'm bleeding If that'll make it right


-It Will Rain Bruno Mars

It Will Rain - Bruno Mars

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I mean, shit, I’m only 17
And um, a perfect couple’s only in a dream

-Tie Me Down by New Boyz

Tie Me Down-New Boyz (Feat. Ray J)

Powered by @RinaB333

Repetition

Looking through some of my notes I found don't remember where its from or why I wrote it:

Im feeling like I keep on talkin

I'm repeating Myself

my words lost all meaning

I keep talking

I repeat myself

@Rinab333

Cycle of Pain

Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was this girl name Katarina who fell in love with Crispin. Katarina being the techie was on a website where she met Crispin. Katarina wasn't suppose to be on that website but was anyway regardless the consequences. Katarina believed Crispin was her soul mate they planned to get married and everything. The only problem was Crispin lived in tokyo japan. Katarina and Crispin agreed to meet in three years but Katarina had to pay for everything because Crispin was younger than her by a year and they wanted to meet as soon as possible. So after almost a year of them going out Katarina felt like telling her best friend Rina about the news Rina pretended to be happy for her and everything. However since Katarina didn't tell anyone except rina about crispin she told Rina everything. Rina started telling Katarina about god and saying it was dangerous to meet some random guy on the Internet who could just be a 40yr along with other religious issues. Katarina after a week was convinced and broke up with Crispin. But Katarina loved Crispin she became very upset. She would cry herself to sleep at night and almost killed herself luckily Katarina had Rina and god to save the day. But it didn't stop her from crawling back to Crispin. When she went back to him she was only confronted by more pain and suffering. Katarina would ask "do u still love me?" Crispin Said "yes" but every single time Katarina goes back to Crispin she gets hurt and she always ends up breaking up with him then getting back together with him. Katarina is so desperate to be loved Rina is in awe. Since Katarina went out with Crispin her self esteem has lowered she doesn't have a lot of confidence and she thinks she is ugly. There is nothing wrong with Katarina she is probably more beautiful than me but Katarina can't see that. Katarina is soo close right now all she has to do is let go of Crispin. The sad part is no one knows about this except for Rina. Katarina is too afraid to tell anyone...will the cycle ever end? Will Katarina live happily ever after with Crispin...or will it end up in her death and or rape? Every cycle can be broken Katarina is so close...

Chapter 2

So today Katarina told her friends about crispin they said that she could tell them that because they were her best friends. Katarina is still afraid right now of being judged. Also she is upset about crispin because she thinks he didn't answer her message on facebook. Crispin goes to boarding school and isn't allowed a phone. He can only go on facebook once in a while. Crispin and Katarina aren't going out officially because they broke up. But they still talk. Rina feels terrible because katarina was so happy until Rina started unstilling her religious beliefs upon Katarina. Rina feels as if she ruined Katarina's life.

Chapter 3

Rina is the only one worried about Katarina. Katarina is depressed and is denial. She tells Rina countless times not to worry about her. Katarina says she will never kill herself and is perfectly happy. But Rina thinks it's a lie. Katarina is too afraid to tell anyone the only person she has told is Rina and her two other best friends.

Video Games

Written: July 21, 2011
I've been talking to myself a lot lately but I feel like it's not enough I can never get it out into words so I took this time to sit down in just talk to you yes you the people the ones I write to you when I write I feel like I'm talking to everyone I feel like I'm just getting it out getting it off my chest so I took this time do you speak here goes nothing: so right now how I feel it's pretty happy I'm a bit hyper but I guess yeah this is me earlier I felt like nothing could lift me from the sadness so a couple days ago us playing this game I had to get to this one level so i could actually play the quest i wanted to once i got to the level i stopped playing the game i feel like thats my life the hardest part is the struggle and constantly dying and coming back to life and fighting the same battle again learning strategies perfecting skills so i can get to my goal but once i get there to my goal ... Bam the desire the drive its gone

Isolation and Alienation

Written: July 18, 2011

So its nice to just sit down and blog a lot has been on my mind lately well for starters i guess im feeling alone although i talk to many people online and i text some people i feel alone because the people i want to connect with dont wanna connect with me and thats why i feel alone someone once told me that im a loner i could be standing in a big crowd of people and still look so alone the main reason is because i isolate myself i do it at home im always in my room at school at work everywhere i know why in all situations maybe its because i dont wanna face reality my world is better than the real world although im always getting hurt

Failure

Written: August 17, 2011

So summer is over and school has started i had all these goals for myself and i feel like i failed i didnt buy a car i didnt get my lisence i dont have any friends to hang out with like a bff I dont know what college i want to go to I dont have any scholarships I know some people dont have these things but i know a lot of people who do and it saddens me that i dont cuz ive been wanting these things Or maybe i dont try hard enough But i can say this one day ill have those things but for now i feel as if i failed

Help???: Advice

So I've been dating someone online for almost three months and i don't know what to do I want to have a real stable relationship where I see the person often and go on real dates but this person doesn't have their own cellphone so I hardly ever get to talk to them and they refuse to meet me half way idk what to do my mom won't let me go all the way to where that person is just to meet that person even though I have the money to and she won't let me go without her so I have come up with a few options I could take the train disappear one summer day and come back at night or I could buy that person a phone or I could convince my mom (which would take a lot of hard work) or I could wait till I'm 18 or I could save up my money to buy a car what should i do help!!!

Day sixty seven of Rina's life

I have come to the conclusion that I am invisible in physics class I don't talk at all and I try to keep my head down in my phone in at all times its a quite day today someone I knew died today so everyone's sad its weird I don't know I worked with him on student council a lot last year and its weird it was just random you know I think I'm just gonna sit here and written this and text observing my surroundings not saying a word it makes me think what would happen if I died you know nothing people would probably say bad things about me lol anyway I should make this short I have nothing else to say besides I'm hungry

Day sixty six of Rina's life

Right now I'm sitting in third block which is physics and I'm wondering if anyone notices me I try to be invisible and blend into the wall my group is doing a lab right now I'm just sitting with my head down typing this a lot has been going on in my life I guess I really don't want to talk about it I'm trying to improve myself better and be more social and not shut so many people out you know I'm trying to reach out to people there is a test today in Spanish which is fourth block I didn't study I hope I do okay I spent study hall working on a project in flash for web construction its really cool ill tell you about it okay so I'm basically making a robot go across the screen and you click on a button to teleport it and then it goes to a future city and a little guy comes on the screen with a magnified glass that says look closer and then when you click on that it goes to a seen with a hover car its gonna be so cool then I'm going to have the robot teleport to a living room with a futuristic screen and then I am going to animate the screen with the words Rina and a pink apple logo its gonna be so awesome anyway I feel really awkward just sitting here texting Haha I just hate people I'm a table with all guys gah fml any way cant wait till lunch I'm gonna go to the library and eat with my friends of course I'm not going to eat but it will be all good so I guess I'm gonna go I don't have anything else random to say oh sorry for the poor punctuation I will fix it later
-Rina Burr

Day sixty five of Rina's life

So I'm at the hospital with my mom visiting my dad apparently they don't know why he still has an infection I don't understand most of it all I know is he's low on oxygen lol my day was boring besides this I woke up talked to cookie and then I ordered a pizza and a really creepy delivery man was there he scared the cap outta me I have to wake up really early tomorrow its gonna suck I have to work from 4:30 am to 11:00 am its gonna be fun cuz Maria is gonna be there I work it McDonald's if u didn't already know that ew he just threw up
-Rina Burr

Day sixty four of Rina's life

So shocker I'm blogging lol. Haha anyway I just got a new phone yesterday its my dream phone the HTC EVO shift. I love it so much blah I'm trying to use proper grammar but I give up its too hard to write commas and periods lol today was a boring day I went to school came home maybe ill write more later there's so much you have missed in my life not really ill catch you up later I plan on blogging more
-Rina

School?

I read the agenda for the school board meeting last night it took me a while but i finally understood it its very interesting basically it made it seem like if the union doesnt negotiate with the board and reduce they payroll then they aren't gonna bring back any of the teachers but it also makes me think
Teachers are being fired my favorite teachers she told me to pray for her today almost made me cry my school district my school has all the best teachers and because district 300 board just wants to break up the teachers union they make all these cuts just to force the union into negotiating pay reductions democracy is highly currupt and I can say this I bet only 10% of the people in this state are willing to make a change and the rest are just willing to deal with it because who cares about school our schools they blame it all on the students saying we don't care about our education well I care about my education and I care about my teachers and I know a handful of kids that do but were just teenagers and when we try to make a change the press makes us look bad and ...  all they care about is politics and money what about education ? This week was very sad at school even the principal sounded sad over the intercom I feel bad I wish there was something I could do but I'm just another 16 year old girl shaking her head at the world of adults I know someone cares 4-3 one voice can make a big difference hmm... Just thoughts