Letters

CAUTION: these passages are filled with extreme emotions and are deep! I advise you not to read this...
The following are letters to various people.

Dear ____,
I wrote this a while ago... 
Note: this was aimed at Someone who broke my heart

I should have listened to you. You were right all along. I wish I wouldn't have tortured myself. I wanted to know the truth now I found it. You never loved me you never cared about me. I was just an object you can just throw away. I used to care about you. I uses to say I loved you no matter how much you hurt me. But now I'm filled with nothing but hate. I am so made at you I hate you. If I ever see you again I will kill you. I would kill you just so you can feel how horrible it feels to feel like your dying. You feel no pain loss or sorrow for me. You called me crazy said me and you was just my sick little fantasy. You were right there was never me and you. It was just me with a figment of my imagination. I thought you were perfect. When the truth was revealed I saw someone a lie a cheater. Someone who justified their actions by: I won't ever see you so your feelings never mattered. I hate you. You ruined my life destroyed me. You killed me. You deserve to die for what you did to me. You deserve to die for what you did to me. I will kill you. I hate you my life is in ruins because of you and you don't even care. how can I let one person take so much control of my life and emotions. I am an idiot. I rely on others for happiness trusting them with all my heart hoping they won't tear it apart. I'm already getting hurt by the one I thought would never hurt me. It's so easy to hurt me. I'm lying broken and bleeding on the floor. Some people try to help me. I willingly give them myself so they can fix me. All the people do is kick me. I've come to the point where all I wanna do is lay on the floor and die. I don't see point in life. I've already changed so much. I don't know how to go back to the old me. I don't even know myself anymore. I don't have an appetite all I wanna do is lie in my room isolated from everyone and cry. No one needs to know how i feel it's not like you can help me no one can. I try to rebuild my life and not even the one can help me. I don't wanna feel this pain anymore
Rina Burr


Dear Lisha,
October 5, 2010
I can't stand the pain I have no one to tell of my emotions but you the source. How could you do this to me. If I would have known you never loved me I would have never let my guard down with you. Everyone says I'm strong. But this is one of the many things I can't see. Look at me I'm skinny and scrawny and I get scared easily. I'm not strong. When someone starts to shoot me like you did I fall apart and you keep firing your gun. I'm sorry I'm not invincible. I'm sorry I'm not a man. But I love you so much and you know that so why would you continue to break my heart. You have more bullets in your gun. I know your saving them for when I'm down. The only time you ever care is right before im about to die you resuscitate me you fucking hate me and I love it the more I suffer. But the only reason I don't pull the trigger is because I'm concerned about you. I do worry about you. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you. I know that's stupid because I can't stop anything. I wouldn't forgive myself if I caused something bad to happen to you. I was perfect but you still hurt me. There is obviously a flaw in me. I know that it's something that I didn't do. I still don't understand how you could just randomly wake up and stop loving me. I am Rina Burr and there is a reason for this something deeper. I thought you were so in love with me. "don't worry I'm with you through think and thin I wouldn't dump you unless you dumped me", "I love you". "I talk about you all the time with my friends", "I wanna marry you" You lied to me so many times. You were always a liar. When were you ever telling the truth? I never mistreated you I gave you my all. Why didn't you give me what I deserve? Why did you drag me on this long? Why did you make me believe a lie a fairy tale? Now I have to live this nightmare. But wait enough about me. I hate it when you randomly jump in and it's like your trying to have a pity party. God knows you go through shit unimaginable and painful. But you always carry on. You've experienced things in your life no 16 year old should be able to say they have. You are a lot stronger than me and you survive. I don't fully understand your struggles but I accept and acknowledge them. So don't pity yourself you'll be fine. I don't write all this crap to get your pity. I don't write it for revenge. I write it to express my feelings to let people know how I feel. All I want people to do is accept and understand my feelings. I want you to acknowledge all the pain you caused. I want you to know it is WRONG to do this to me. It is WRONG to break my heart. Maybe in all this writing I'll finally get all my feelings out the pain, anger, hatred, rage, sorrow and depression. I want you to see why I want to slit your throat and tear you limb from limb. Maybe then you'll realize it's wrong. You'll get your lesson. I hope that you learn from this. I wish you would have literally killed me rather than metaphorically. Why do I hate you? You don't care, you carry on show no remorse for what you did. You love to hurt me. All the broken promises flash back before my eyes and I'm seeing red again. I don't deserve this. You know what you did and you don't care? Why am I still around? Well because I love you I'm on the verge of death now. Not quite there but so close just one more step. I can't take the pain and you wanna run away like a coward. You are such a coward that you run away when I die you can't deal with it. But I feel like I'm dying everyday your not here. I'm not a coward in the sense I don't run from the pain I embrace it. I let it all kill me. I could not care less. You can't run away come back bitch. You fucked up everything and you don't care. I wonder if maybe I'll live. I probably will just live everyday on the verge of death waiting for you to push me another step towards hell. I can't walk away but in getting stronger each day I build up an army for you. One day I will win the last battle and walk away screaming, "fuck you bitch. Burn in hell where you belong." that's the day you'll realize you lost the only person who loved you unconditionally. 
Rina Burr

Dear Cookie,
May 14, 2011
You treat me like shit....you make me go crazy thinking all these thoughts in my head you don't even tell me what happened and you just expect me to be calm about it thanks cookie .... I burst into tears cuz I thought u were gonna kill yourself and I'd never talk to you again and u push me away great you know if u don't want to talk to me then u should say that all you want is me cuz that's bullshit your really being a bitch right now I don't care I'm sick of this shit this is my breaking point I can only let you walkk all over me so much I spent a half hour crying over you cuz I thought you were gonna  kill yourself I tried to get u to call me just so I could tell you I love you and make u smile and u hang up in my face and then at the end of the day you push me away and don't do shit ... you know I know its not about me I know you have problems okay I know my problems down matter I know my tears have no meaning because you've been through so much more than me that my problems seem like water I know but that doesn't mean u have to treat me like shit
Rina Burr