Repetition

Looking through some of my notes I found don't remember where its from or why I wrote it:

Im feeling like I keep on talkin

I'm repeating Myself

my words lost all meaning

I keep talking

I repeat myself

@Rinab333

Cycle of Pain

Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was this girl name Katarina who fell in love with Crispin. Katarina being the techie was on a website where she met Crispin. Katarina wasn't suppose to be on that website but was anyway regardless the consequences. Katarina believed Crispin was her soul mate they planned to get married and everything. The only problem was Crispin lived in tokyo japan. Katarina and Crispin agreed to meet in three years but Katarina had to pay for everything because Crispin was younger than her by a year and they wanted to meet as soon as possible. So after almost a year of them going out Katarina felt like telling her best friend Rina about the news Rina pretended to be happy for her and everything. However since Katarina didn't tell anyone except rina about crispin she told Rina everything. Rina started telling Katarina about god and saying it was dangerous to meet some random guy on the Internet who could just be a 40yr along with other religious issues. Katarina after a week was convinced and broke up with Crispin. But Katarina loved Crispin she became very upset. She would cry herself to sleep at night and almost killed herself luckily Katarina had Rina and god to save the day. But it didn't stop her from crawling back to Crispin. When she went back to him she was only confronted by more pain and suffering. Katarina would ask "do u still love me?" Crispin Said "yes" but every single time Katarina goes back to Crispin she gets hurt and she always ends up breaking up with him then getting back together with him. Katarina is so desperate to be loved Rina is in awe. Since Katarina went out with Crispin her self esteem has lowered she doesn't have a lot of confidence and she thinks she is ugly. There is nothing wrong with Katarina she is probably more beautiful than me but Katarina can't see that. Katarina is soo close right now all she has to do is let go of Crispin. The sad part is no one knows about this except for Rina. Katarina is too afraid to tell anyone...will the cycle ever end? Will Katarina live happily ever after with Crispin...or will it end up in her death and or rape? Every cycle can be broken Katarina is so close...

Chapter 2

So today Katarina told her friends about crispin they said that she could tell them that because they were her best friends. Katarina is still afraid right now of being judged. Also she is upset about crispin because she thinks he didn't answer her message on facebook. Crispin goes to boarding school and isn't allowed a phone. He can only go on facebook once in a while. Crispin and Katarina aren't going out officially because they broke up. But they still talk. Rina feels terrible because katarina was so happy until Rina started unstilling her religious beliefs upon Katarina. Rina feels as if she ruined Katarina's life.

Chapter 3

Rina is the only one worried about Katarina. Katarina is depressed and is denial. She tells Rina countless times not to worry about her. Katarina says she will never kill herself and is perfectly happy. But Rina thinks it's a lie. Katarina is too afraid to tell anyone the only person she has told is Rina and her two other best friends.

Video Games

Written: July 21, 2011
I've been talking to myself a lot lately but I feel like it's not enough I can never get it out into words so I took this time to sit down in just talk to you yes you the people the ones I write to you when I write I feel like I'm talking to everyone I feel like I'm just getting it out getting it off my chest so I took this time do you speak here goes nothing: so right now how I feel it's pretty happy I'm a bit hyper but I guess yeah this is me earlier I felt like nothing could lift me from the sadness so a couple days ago us playing this game I had to get to this one level so i could actually play the quest i wanted to once i got to the level i stopped playing the game i feel like thats my life the hardest part is the struggle and constantly dying and coming back to life and fighting the same battle again learning strategies perfecting skills so i can get to my goal but once i get there to my goal ... Bam the desire the drive its gone

Isolation and Alienation

Written: July 18, 2011

So its nice to just sit down and blog a lot has been on my mind lately well for starters i guess im feeling alone although i talk to many people online and i text some people i feel alone because the people i want to connect with dont wanna connect with me and thats why i feel alone someone once told me that im a loner i could be standing in a big crowd of people and still look so alone the main reason is because i isolate myself i do it at home im always in my room at school at work everywhere i know why in all situations maybe its because i dont wanna face reality my world is better than the real world although im always getting hurt

Day sixty one of Rina's life

I feel like such a loser. All day everyday I do nothing but pass the time by playing on my iPod touch. Yeah I text a couple girls who don't even live by me but that's about it. Sometimes I'm on the phone with one of those girls who I met online. I don't have any friends. I never hang out with anyone well hardly ever. I don't know how it got like this. When I was younger I had a best friend who I hung out with all the time we used to sleep over at each others houses all the time actually hang outside of school. That was a friend. She moved though. After that it was never the same. A few years ago I had a lot of friends I used to hang around a group of girls it was great. I had it great. When we got into highschool everyone went their separate ways to different schools. I had friends but things were never the same. I don't have that friend anymore that I can just be like let's hang out and have a great time with. I don't feel comfortable. It may be to the extreme yeah I hang out with a friend at least once in two or three months. That's my life oh and the whole time I'm at home I'm just in my room 24/7. It's so bad I enjoy going to work because it's something to do to get out of the house. Well that's me in a nutshell. I wish I wasn't such a loser
-Rina Burr

Day sixty of Rina's life

So today was boring. Blah I bet no one reads this. Haha I do this just for fun. I know I said that previously but the reason I added a blog on blogspot for someone cool to read it. When I posted my post on facebook i got more hits. I kinda wanna put up my person stuff up her but then again I kinda don't. I do because its interesting and shows my feelings. But its like depression, suicide ecetera. It reveals things about my life i haven't told a lot of people I'm just gonna put a few up a day and see what happens. Anyway about my day it sucked!!! I mean school was alright but it just made me sad because I don't have what I want and it hurts ugh why am I so obsessed. I'm pretty sure that's not normal. I wrote a letter to myself. I'll put it up here.
-Rina Burr

Broken heart

This entry was taken from my blog on mocospaces blog

Aug 6, 2010

All I wanna do is cry this sux so bad what does this mean? Is it a sign or bad luck. What's gonna happen? Should I pretend that I'm okay? If everything happens for a reason then is this really what I should do. I hate things where you can't fix it and I can't do anything about it. I hate when bad things happen to me and I can't do a thing about it. I can't do anything. Why does this happen to me? I was on cloud nine it seems like just yesterday and now I feel like someone took everything from me. And I'm left with nothing but all these stupid photographs and memories.

Day fifty two of Rina's life

I have been feeling lonely lately. I haven't Been talking to Hardly anyone lately :/
-Rina