Day sixty seven of Rina's life

I have come to the conclusion that I am invisible in physics class I don't talk at all and I try to keep my head down in my phone in at all times its a quite day today someone I knew died today so everyone's sad its weird I don't know I worked with him on student council a lot last year and its weird it was just random you know I think I'm just gonna sit here and written this and text observing my surroundings not saying a word it makes me think what would happen if I died you know nothing people would probably say bad things about me lol anyway I should make this short I have nothing else to say besides I'm hungry

Day sixty six of Rina's life

Right now I'm sitting in third block which is physics and I'm wondering if anyone notices me I try to be invisible and blend into the wall my group is doing a lab right now I'm just sitting with my head down typing this a lot has been going on in my life I guess I really don't want to talk about it I'm trying to improve myself better and be more social and not shut so many people out you know I'm trying to reach out to people there is a test today in Spanish which is fourth block I didn't study I hope I do okay I spent study hall working on a project in flash for web construction its really cool ill tell you about it okay so I'm basically making a robot go across the screen and you click on a button to teleport it and then it goes to a future city and a little guy comes on the screen with a magnified glass that says look closer and then when you click on that it goes to a seen with a hover car its gonna be so cool then I'm going to have the robot teleport to a living room with a futuristic screen and then I am going to animate the screen with the words Rina and a pink apple logo its gonna be so awesome anyway I feel really awkward just sitting here texting Haha I just hate people I'm a table with all guys gah fml any way cant wait till lunch I'm gonna go to the library and eat with my friends of course I'm not going to eat but it will be all good so I guess I'm gonna go I don't have anything else random to say oh sorry for the poor punctuation I will fix it later
-Rina Burr

School?

I read the agenda for the school board meeting last night it took me a while but i finally understood it its very interesting basically it made it seem like if the union doesnt negotiate with the board and reduce they payroll then they aren't gonna bring back any of the teachers but it also makes me think
Teachers are being fired my favorite teachers she told me to pray for her today almost made me cry my school district my school has all the best teachers and because district 300 board just wants to break up the teachers union they make all these cuts just to force the union into negotiating pay reductions democracy is highly currupt and I can say this I bet only 10% of the people in this state are willing to make a change and the rest are just willing to deal with it because who cares about school our schools they blame it all on the students saying we don't care about our education well I care about my education and I care about my teachers and I know a handful of kids that do but were just teenagers and when we try to make a change the press makes us look bad and ...  all they care about is politics and money what about education ? This week was very sad at school even the principal sounded sad over the intercom I feel bad I wish there was something I could do but I'm just another 16 year old girl shaking her head at the world of adults I know someone cares 4-3 one voice can make a big difference hmm... Just thoughts 

Notes from my iPod: Lunch

Written August 31, 2010
I'm bored in lunch idk what's better going to school or staying home. I guess getting away from them is better than staying in thAt stupid house. My parents are so annoying. I don't wanna be around them. The only reason I'm going home today is because I have to go to work and I gotta call them somehow. I don't have a phone. Also I have to walk in my uniform ughz

Day fifty eight of Rina's life

So sorry I didn't blog yesterday. Nothing new is happening except I got a new belt and new shorts. They're Bermuda shorts. I like them and they go with my style. The only thing I don't like is the fact I had to get them from the little girls section in old navy. Haha but then again I don't really like any of the shorts I see in the juniors and women's section. And my mom agreed to buy me a backpack. So that just knocks off two items off my things to buy list. Yay! I didn't go to church today I woke up early though. I could have if I wanted to. But I knew my mom didn't wanna go. My mom wanted to go shopping instead and I didn't have any objections. I was suppose to hang out with my best friend Jhan today. Instead I spent all day shopping with my mom. I feel kinda bad that he came over to my house and I wasn't there I tried to call him and I left him a message. He ended up coming to my house anyway while I was shopping. I feel bad because I knew he's been wanting to hang out with me. But I'm hanging out with Derek my other friend and probably jhan on tuesday were going fishing! That should be fun. My life has been going spectacular on the love side. I don't wanna jinx anything lol because whenever I think things are going well my world crashes down around me :(. Which reminds me I have to text my other best friend leticia I gotta hang out with her sometime. One thing about me is I hate asking people to hang out. Idk why I just think it's awkward especially if they're coming over to your house. Then you have to be a good host and entertain them. How am I suppose to entertain them when all I do for fun around here is lay around and do nothing? Today I watched the movie 2012 and the blind side. They were good movies.
-Rina

Day fifty four of Rina's life

after all my good grades are just normal for me it doesn't matter. People expect that from me so why should they care. But if I do anything less than expected than I get ridiculed. I can't mess up. I have to live up to my expectations. When all the praises leave the only thing left to motivate you is yourself. An outstanding work ethic is expected from me. Anything less then that is not good enough. The amount of work put in doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is it's perfection. Without that then it's worth half of what it was before. What happens when the money gets old and perfection wears out? There's still faith I will live up to and beyond expectations. Where's the faith when I'm getting money for barely doing anything where's the hope? I see how it is now I'm getting the same money for Doing four times the work I did before. People expect me to be happy about this. I try not to be selfish. But let's face it I love money! Funny thing is I don't put little certificates I get on the fridge anymore. I don't need people to be reminded of the my grades. I motivate myself to get good grades. I care about my education. All my certificates for good grades are in my room just a little reminder of why I care what I strive for. I might not be the hardest worker or the smartest I might not live up to others expectations but I try my best to live up to my expectations. Isn't that what matters, whether or not I'm happy with work? I thought it was the effort that counted? Whatever happened to a stable money flow whatever happened to a value on everything I do? That value is gone. My word isn't worth a dime. Neither is my work. I guess all I have are my certificates and a couple of friends. It isn't good enough in my eyes. I want so much more than I have. Do you miss that girl who would work twice as hard as me? Do you miss that girl who was respectful and kind to you? Do you miss that girl who you talked to all the time? Do you miss the old me? So do I. I don't know where she went. I don't know why she left. I didn't do this on purpose it's just a mess of bad choices. I wanna change but I don't know how. Nothing is going back to normal. I was disrespectful and now I'm just hurt. But in my eyes do you see the old me? The one you used to have faith in. Everything I do isn't worth a thing. Was it perfect this time? No matter when I do the work or how I still get half the amount for twice the work. Was Giving me money for doing a bad job a mistake or a lesson? If I work harder will things go back to normal? No.. Life isn't that good. I can't change the past but I can change the future by what I do in the present. Do you see the changes I'm making? are you proud? Do you see a disappointment? Do you see someone who is not me? Look into my eyes what do you see? I look into your eyes everyday through a mirror and all I see is someone who is worthless, a disappointment, a waste of life. When I look into your eyes I see someone who I hate. Is it the real me i see or is it just a reflection. I want so many things just so I can stop hating myself. I don't show it because I want to change. I wanna be someone who I can stop hating. I am changing does anyone notice besides me? The better question is does anyone care besides me? I rarely show hate to myself unless you are one of the few I confide in.

-Rina

Day forty nine of Rina's life

Today I woke up made pizza and watched tv for a few hours. Then I went driving with my dad it was fun. And I got dairy queen yay. Ok so I decided to take better care of myself because I want to go back to school looking better than ever!!! So everyday I'm taking a shower and I'm doing all that hygien stuff. Also I'm making dinner everynight so I can earn some money. I can't wait to be rolling in dough.
-Rina

Day forty of rina's life

Today was fun I guess haha I went to school talked to kiki while I could during school and I was on the Internet all of second block so my phone died during lunch. And jhan asked if I could charge it at the second half of third block it was awesome. Then after school I talked to kiki some more. And yeah all in all it was a good day we played handball during gym, watched a movie during chemistry, and Econ and health were boring. I meantioned kiki a couple times at the dinner table when I was eating with my mom. I have this feeling she doesn't like kiki. Oh well she will get over her dislike I hope. And now I'm sitting in my room bored. Oh I'm getting my hair Done again tomorrow. I'm just gonna get the exact same hair I have now though
-Rina

Day thirty nine of Rina's life

So I'm staying home from school again. I am sick cough cough sniffle sniffle. I am on a mission to go to north Carolina by The first week of august. I have no idea how I am going to get there. I mean I am going to have to ask my mom to drive me unless I want to get arrested. Or I could ask Harrison to pick me up and drive me there. However that would be way to much to ask of him. I could never do that. Sometimes I wonder if I ever think things through before I go promising stuff. I mean like my mom is going to say yes to going to north Carolina just for a day hahaha. I just get caught up in the moment but no matter how much I wanna go to north Carolina it's up to my mom. She already hates the person I want to see why would she agree to driving me there. She will be like blah it's a waste of gas blah blah blah. I just wanna go there so bad god please someone help me.
-Rina

Day thirty seven of Rina's life

Well today was terrible. But I guess alright I read some messages today. I got upset and I was suppose to stay after school I waited twenty minuets for my drivers Ed teacher. Then I didn't feel well I felt like crying so I went inside asked this lady where I could find my teacher. She toldme to check his room. Of course he wasn't in there so I just called my mom and left. Now I'm sitting in my room crying over something stupid all I wanna do is cry :(. Ok update my day overall is gotten alot better I'm really happy and I stopped crying :). I'm not sad anymore all I wanna do is sing dental care "I'd rather pick flowers Instead of fight And rather than flaunt my style I'd flash you a smile Of clean pearly whites"
-Rina

day thirty six of rina's life

why did i even bother to go to school today is gonna be a horrible day i can just tell. ok i wake up get in a fight and then i go to school. right now im at school in the library sitting at a table all alone i feel like crying oh wait i feel better derek came and sat by me and so did jhan yay!. where is brandon? Haha I feel alot better now my day turned out well i guess.
-Rina Burr

Day thirty two of Rina's life

Today was probably the best day of my life. i have been so happy today. i haven't been this happy in a long time. i entered school and i put my stuff in my locker and i saw natalie. then she told me to walk with her so i did it was a new experience and fun. Brandon is trying to make me and Geneva friends again. I have gym with Geneva but we were all separated by gym teachers and we have different gym teachers so i talked to bry who was in my drivers ed class before. i love school now because i know at least one person in each of my classes. my new classes are excel gym, global economics which is going to be a breeze because its advanced and then i have health easy a. ok lunch was a little trippy cause i was this close to talking to howard. it was weird i feel bad because i was being rude but really i just wasn't prepared for it like if i was i wouldn't have been like omg omg omg. however i pulled through and health was a saving grace and got me really happy. i came home from school with no homework i didn't even need my backpack. after school i came home an i played on my ipod touch and then went driving with my mom for like fifty minuets. even jhan said i was different today i was happier. i have just been really happy now a days because my life is almost perfect. i have what i want and i am actually happy that says a lot because i have never been this happy in a long time. I get messages daily from this person and that just makes my day. i love -Rina

Day twenty four of Rina's life

So Sorry I haven't been blogging that much I haven't felt like it I have a ton of make up work and crap. Anyway in the mean time I feel terrible because u broke up the three musketeers by doing something stupid fml. I ruined three friendships I hate my life. On the brightside I had this weird dream if anyone knows what it means let me know MESSAGE ME COMMENT I WANNA KNOW!!!
Here's my dream:
So I was playing this horror game on my iPod touch but it was really realistic and it was like u were in the game and everyone else playing the game was a real person playing it so in the beginning u have to walk down the stairs and behind u is a door I kept losing the game so I gave up turned around and opened that door in their was just a couple beds or so and then Geneva came up the stairs and I started talking then pple started coming up so she stopped and then I went over and talked to this one girl who goes to our school and I turned around and said to Geneva "can I talk to u" so we explored and went up and found a kitchen and I said to Geneva and I said "i'm not very good at this game" she said "I am" and puts a syringe with orange fluid in my leg and I start flipping out I took the needle and stuck it in Her and I started booking it I ran out the door and left looking for an exit.
Here's another dream:
I was at my Highschool and student council was running this event. Then they painted my face red and captured me in a dungeon. Next girl with blonde hair and blue eyes rescued me from the dungeon. afterwards the guy who captured me was looking for me and I was trying to rub my red face paint off. my hands were so sweaty when he looked at my face that he passed me and said "I guess she was killed so u guys can go" then we all left and people started stealing knives and forks. We were all waiting outside for our rides. I didn't have any weapons so I asked kennedra "can I have some of your knifed?" I asked her because she had so many knives. I then realized I didn't thank the blonde girl who saved me. I started asking people "have you seen that blonde girl who saved me?" finally edyta answered me and said "yeah she is right over there" I went up to the blonde girl and said "thank you for saving me" the blonde girl said "yeah no problem" I asked her "do you go to Dundee crown" she replied in a hurry "no I'll explain later I got to go" and she ran inside. then I went up to jhan and said "maybe she is an angel" and jhan replied "nahhh" then I was going to ask jhan for a ride but he was already giving one to Makiah so I didn't ask.

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-Rina