CAUTION: these passages are filled with extreme emotions and are deep! I advise you not to read this...
The following are blog entries written by me from Mocospace.
Heart broken
August 14, 2010
I followed my heart and it lead to you but somehow I end up heartbroken depressed and alone again FML idk if I'm selfish for crying so much over you I just can't stand to not be with you can't you see how much u mean to me I would have done anything to keep you now I feel like i don't wanna live anymore I pretend like I'm fine but I feel like dying you made me so happy when we were together you were perfect everything I wanted and more I had more than everyone else I gave it up for you now once again I'm left with no one I feel like dying someone save me from this place I need someone like you I need someone who's available 24/7
Hero
August 15, 2010
Sometimes I just wanna fall inlove with a person just to show them that someone cares about them. I wanna treat them how they deserve to be treated. Making that person who's been hurt before trust people again makes me so happy. I just wanna fall in love with someone to show them hey I'm Rina burr and I'm going to be there for you no matter what I'm going to be the best you ever had. But by doing that I end up getting hurt because I start to forget about my feelings because I just wanna make that person happy. But there are so many people who need someone they deserve. And I just wanna show them that I'm not like anyone else I'm going to love you forever. Sometimes I can't always be that hero that I want to be. I can't always rescue you from your life. I'm Human, I'm one person I can't save the world I can't make all of you happy. Because I just expect you to treat me the same way but you don't or you can't and I try to understand but I'm not a superhero I just wanna make you happy. But how can I when I've been so broken just as much but more than you. Has anyone stopped to think that Rina needs a hero too.
Confessions
August 22, 2010
So Many things have been going on in my life idk how to express my feelings into words. My mom has me all figured out and it's killing me she says I'm depressed and I need help I say no I don't I'm fine. Everything you say is true I just refuse to admit it. I say to myself I don't need anyones help I'll get through this. I'm in my own little world unaware of the people who notice my behavior. I know it's wrong what I'm doing I know theres a simple solution but honestly I don't think I could handle the pain of losing all those people. I'll just ignore the issue and pretend to be fine. Doing this by making as little effort as possible maybe I'm lazy or Maybe there really is something wrong with me. You say that I used to be your hero. You say I was so structured before this. You say you don't know me. You say you lost me. Look into my eyes don't you see the real me. Look deeper its me nothing has changed I still care I'm still Rina. I'm still that hero I used to be. The real me is just clouded with so much emotions and feelings and confusion and I just wish u would let me do me instead of worrying that I'm making a huge mistake.
Alert and Obsessions
February 8, 2011
This is the new rinab333 I'm no longer doing days of my life. Aww I'm sorry for all those who missed It :(. However im going to do the sane thing just with different titles. Anyway I'm really depressed right now. Because everythings going wrong. I hate people I was shaking today in physics when I had to stand up to the whole class and present, some kids were making fun of me, I had to work and I messed up and cried a lot and there were a bunch of people there . I'm so scared of the managers. Along with that I'm afraid that someones not gonna like me. I wanna tell this person more about me but I don't want them to not like it or think it's weird or judge me. You see you probably wouldn't know this about me but I can get obsesssed with people and I try hard not to this suxxxxxxxx
Long Distance Relationship???
March 21, 2011
I feel like I'm always in pain no matter what all I wanted was that one thing but now that I have it I'm always suffering from it my heart is slowly breaking ive been crying over you lately way to much I don't understand I try to do everything just to hear your voice I feel like I'm constantly whining but my heart is slowly breaking I try to do everything to fix it but it just hurts everytime I say goodbye im slowly losing myself I hate everything about my life all I want is you I don't understand where I went wrong I thought this time would be different your only an hour away I don't understand why I haven't seen your face
Depression
April 25, 2011
So its almost been three months now I don't know why but I can't let this one go I've never been good at letting go I want this so bad more than anything in the world all the others my exes bullsh%*ed there way out of everything Ive never been this close to anyone in my life I finally found want I wanted except there's a catch she will break your heart all the time I am so depressed these days I don't know what to do anymore I feel like cap because I wish there was something I could do I feel like crap I can't sleep I'm so worried I just hope that nothing bad happens if it does I'm killing myself I have nothing to live for
Alone
April 27, 2011
Today are the ACTs in the morning and I of course haven't studied and can't sleep I'm depressed again I feel so alone at school at lunch all they talk about is relationships I hate high-school I feel like everyone around me is always talking about that one boy or that one girl especially girls I mean I just wish I had that I am getting the feeling where I could be in a group of my friends and still feel so alone all I really want is a friend I mean my gf isn't even my bestfriend I just want someone I can tell anything to and not feel like I'm always venting to them or feel like a whiner I just want a friend I guess that bothers me a lot about her I just wish I could tell her anything without being feeling like I am a whiner and my problems are so insignificant compared to...
Heart Break 2011 - Sacrifice -
September 23, 2011
I feel like everytime i get my heart broken again it feels worse i am so lost i decided that the only thing left to do is write i feel as if there is something wrong with me i dont know why but none of my relationship work and i always think that this was gonna be the one maybe this time was different i didnt protect myself i went in with an open heart maybe this time was a mistake because i came out broken dead defeated i feel like crap and i dont wanna live anymore i know that sounds stupid but im literally alone i have no one to talk to no friends no one likes me like that im on the verge of dying while shes laughing while shes moved on im not like most people when i fall i fall hard and the harder and faster i fall the worse and worse i get hurt i would do anything just to see her face id do anything maybe i got pissed but when i get cheating on i feel depressed vunerable then i feel anger then i feel vunerable and pathetic i hate myself i wish my life wasnt so difficult i feel as if i gave up everything for her and now im left with nothing but these words maybe i overreacted but my emotions my feelings are real and they will never go away...im always going to love her i meant it when i said i wanted to be with her forever that...that will never change no matter how much time passes between me and her no matter what is said and done id drop everything and do anything just to be with her
The following are blog entries written by me from Mocospace.
Heart broken
August 14, 2010
I followed my heart and it lead to you but somehow I end up heartbroken depressed and alone again FML idk if I'm selfish for crying so much over you I just can't stand to not be with you can't you see how much u mean to me I would have done anything to keep you now I feel like i don't wanna live anymore I pretend like I'm fine but I feel like dying you made me so happy when we were together you were perfect everything I wanted and more I had more than everyone else I gave it up for you now once again I'm left with no one I feel like dying someone save me from this place I need someone like you I need someone who's available 24/7
Hero
August 15, 2010
Sometimes I just wanna fall inlove with a person just to show them that someone cares about them. I wanna treat them how they deserve to be treated. Making that person who's been hurt before trust people again makes me so happy. I just wanna fall in love with someone to show them hey I'm Rina burr and I'm going to be there for you no matter what I'm going to be the best you ever had. But by doing that I end up getting hurt because I start to forget about my feelings because I just wanna make that person happy. But there are so many people who need someone they deserve. And I just wanna show them that I'm not like anyone else I'm going to love you forever. Sometimes I can't always be that hero that I want to be. I can't always rescue you from your life. I'm Human, I'm one person I can't save the world I can't make all of you happy. Because I just expect you to treat me the same way but you don't or you can't and I try to understand but I'm not a superhero I just wanna make you happy. But how can I when I've been so broken just as much but more than you. Has anyone stopped to think that Rina needs a hero too.
Confessions
August 22, 2010
So Many things have been going on in my life idk how to express my feelings into words. My mom has me all figured out and it's killing me she says I'm depressed and I need help I say no I don't I'm fine. Everything you say is true I just refuse to admit it. I say to myself I don't need anyones help I'll get through this. I'm in my own little world unaware of the people who notice my behavior. I know it's wrong what I'm doing I know theres a simple solution but honestly I don't think I could handle the pain of losing all those people. I'll just ignore the issue and pretend to be fine. Doing this by making as little effort as possible maybe I'm lazy or Maybe there really is something wrong with me. You say that I used to be your hero. You say I was so structured before this. You say you don't know me. You say you lost me. Look into my eyes don't you see the real me. Look deeper its me nothing has changed I still care I'm still Rina. I'm still that hero I used to be. The real me is just clouded with so much emotions and feelings and confusion and I just wish u would let me do me instead of worrying that I'm making a huge mistake.
Alert and Obsessions
February 8, 2011
This is the new rinab333 I'm no longer doing days of my life. Aww I'm sorry for all those who missed It :(. However im going to do the sane thing just with different titles. Anyway I'm really depressed right now. Because everythings going wrong. I hate people I was shaking today in physics when I had to stand up to the whole class and present, some kids were making fun of me, I had to work and I messed up and cried a lot and there were a bunch of people there . I'm so scared of the managers. Along with that I'm afraid that someones not gonna like me. I wanna tell this person more about me but I don't want them to not like it or think it's weird or judge me. You see you probably wouldn't know this about me but I can get obsesssed with people and I try hard not to this suxxxxxxxx
Long Distance Relationship???
March 21, 2011
I feel like I'm always in pain no matter what all I wanted was that one thing but now that I have it I'm always suffering from it my heart is slowly breaking ive been crying over you lately way to much I don't understand I try to do everything just to hear your voice I feel like I'm constantly whining but my heart is slowly breaking I try to do everything to fix it but it just hurts everytime I say goodbye im slowly losing myself I hate everything about my life all I want is you I don't understand where I went wrong I thought this time would be different your only an hour away I don't understand why I haven't seen your face
Depression
April 25, 2011
So its almost been three months now I don't know why but I can't let this one go I've never been good at letting go I want this so bad more than anything in the world all the others my exes bullsh%*ed there way out of everything Ive never been this close to anyone in my life I finally found want I wanted except there's a catch she will break your heart all the time I am so depressed these days I don't know what to do anymore I feel like cap because I wish there was something I could do I feel like crap I can't sleep I'm so worried I just hope that nothing bad happens if it does I'm killing myself I have nothing to live for
Alone
April 27, 2011
Today are the ACTs in the morning and I of course haven't studied and can't sleep I'm depressed again I feel so alone at school at lunch all they talk about is relationships I hate high-school I feel like everyone around me is always talking about that one boy or that one girl especially girls I mean I just wish I had that I am getting the feeling where I could be in a group of my friends and still feel so alone all I really want is a friend I mean my gf isn't even my bestfriend I just want someone I can tell anything to and not feel like I'm always venting to them or feel like a whiner I just want a friend I guess that bothers me a lot about her I just wish I could tell her anything without being feeling like I am a whiner and my problems are so insignificant compared to...
Heart Break 2011 - Sacrifice -
September 23, 2011
I feel like everytime i get my heart broken again it feels worse i am so lost i decided that the only thing left to do is write i feel as if there is something wrong with me i dont know why but none of my relationship work and i always think that this was gonna be the one maybe this time was different i didnt protect myself i went in with an open heart maybe this time was a mistake because i came out broken dead defeated i feel like crap and i dont wanna live anymore i know that sounds stupid but im literally alone i have no one to talk to no friends no one likes me like that im on the verge of dying while shes laughing while shes moved on im not like most people when i fall i fall hard and the harder and faster i fall the worse and worse i get hurt i would do anything just to see her face id do anything maybe i got pissed but when i get cheating on i feel depressed vunerable then i feel anger then i feel vunerable and pathetic i hate myself i wish my life wasnt so difficult i feel as if i gave up everything for her and now im left with nothing but these words maybe i overreacted but my emotions my feelings are real and they will never go away...im always going to love her i meant it when i said i wanted to be with her forever that...that will never change no matter how much time passes between me and her no matter what is said and done id drop everything and do anything just to be with her
