Cross Roads

I may not be the smartest or the best but I do have big dreams. I am a dreamer. It may seemed a bit far fetched to say that i am going to be famous one day, or cliche but that is one of my biggest goals. I feel like right now i am at cross roads. The biggest decision of my life, college. Where should I go? I know what i wanna be and what i wanna do but i dont know where i wanna go. if that made any sense at all. I think about that a lot. I worry that what if i do choose to go one way and i miss out on the chance to make it to really do what i wanna do. I wanna have the college experience and move away maybe along the way grow more independent, but its not that easy. I dont have any money and i know this might sound weird but i hate writing i cant just sit down and write an essay on how blah blah changed my life this may sound a bit self centered but i like writing about things that pertain to me not something that i dont care about as you can tell right now i don't know im just lost right now and i dont have a lot of time to find my way and i just hope when i do make the decision it is not the decision that ruins my whole future and im stuck living a mediocre life i dont wanna be normal i wanna become a computer programmer and make my own operating system and have my own company

Love lost

I admitt it I'm a player and I got caught in my game but it comes with a price win or lose the game doesn't end til I decide to retire maybe this will be good for me
I slipped up
I got caught

Atone

Now I feel like you forever atoning for my sins
Asking for your forgiveness
Secretly knowing ill never get it

Text messages i never sent

To    : How come everytime i ask who your talking to its called being nosey but when u ask its called caring
How come everytime u yell at me its because your mad but when i yell im tripping
How come when i get depressed you walk away and when you get depressed you push away how come when i pretend dont say anything you avoid me but when i try i always end up saying the wrong thing when i cuss your mom doesnt like it but when u cuss its cool

To ......: U said youd talk to me later never did said youd be up late u disapapear didnt hear from you

im not obsessive or tripping

your just unreasonable

you give me nothing to work with

everyone i talk to says talk to you talk to you but how can i when your never around

I hate when people think im overreacting

maybe i should treat you like you treat me

Starting Now!

Crash

So the worst thing happened to me i got in a car accident i was driving to my friends house and the light turned yellow and i thought i could make it so i sped up didnt see the car coming and hit the car trying to turn and the car ran into a poll and the guy was yelling at me and i was so scared the whole front end of the car just fell off and the air bags went off it was terrible and my friend was in the car it was the most embarrassing moment of my life and i wrecked my familys only car now i just feel like crap i have to pay more money i dont have so im gonna have to work my butt off at work and try to get more hours but since its winter theyre already cutting people ...so its going to be hard for me to get hours in the first place i just feel so depressed and my friends in worse shape then i am im fine and my friend she is just gonna go back to the hospital i feel bad like this is all my fault when it happened i was really pissed and then i just got sad and was sitting on the floor crying and begging my mom not to be mad at me right when things were getting better i had to ruin everything
-rina burr

The Perfect Confusion

Written November 4, 2010

Always digging through my old writings

I rarely ever get what I want in a person. I want a relationship to be perfect. I want that other person to be just like me but better. I rarely ever get what you want. I just realized that person was right in front of my face the whole time. Side note: I hate naming names in my blog I feel like everyones invading my privacy but I'll do it anyway. Rebecca my ex she is perfect. Unfortunately I am thrust with exactly what I want and I don't appreciate it. Oh well but that's not my problem. My problem is that I'm depressed and I'm not sure why. I have what I want I guess one of my exes that I've been wanting forever I have what I want and I'm still depressed. Maybe it's not what I really wanted or maybe I'm just sad over the fact that I know I'm not supposed to be dating and I am. Maybe I'm sad because I don't have a real gf. It's probably that a week or so ago I had a gf for like a day. Then she realized she didn't like me. Shocker I know. No one likes me like that. At least no one who lives by me. Anyway I don't know what to do I don't wanna hurt anyone and I don't wanna be sad I just wanna be happy. It's weird how having just anyone doesn't make me happy anymore I guess that's a plus but I just wanna get out of this hole I just wanna be happy what to do what to do?
-Rina Burr

Dream: Mr...?:

Note:

This was written a while ago excerpt from one of my daily blogs

I had this weird dream if anyone knows what it means let me know MESSAGE ME COMMENT I WANNA KNOW!!! My dream Me, Derek, jhan and Leticia were playing in this field and we were playing with frisbis. Our cellphone were turning into frisbis through the memory slot. You just pull the memory card and it turns into it. Then Derek had to go and jhan told me to walk him to his moms car so I did. But I had to run to catch up to him. When I finally cAught up to him he was looking for his mom and I'm like Derek wait up. Then all of a sudden Derek turned into a dog. Beside derek was a computer. I took Derek home and the computer to investigate. When I got home Derek turned invisible so my dad didn't see him when he walked in. I took him to my room and turned on the computer it said mr. ....(I don't remember his name)'s computer. Next to Derek appeared an earwig. I looked on the computer and there was a series of numbers all under different names. They all appeared to be hypnotists. First was the mr... I called him first. When I called it said " the number you have dialed is not in service. So i called the next number underneath the first one. It was a lady hynotist. I called and then immidiately there was a knock on the door. I opened it and the lady in the picture on the computer who's number i was calling said "you called" I said "sorry wrong number". As she was walking away I said "do you know who mr... Is?" the lady got this horror stricken look on her face and disappeared. Then I went back to the computer and kept trying to call mr... I finally realized that the number on the computer kept changing everytime I looked at it. Then I woke up.

Entry From My Diary: Written 7/14/07

Dear diary today was a horrible day first it was good, but then when I heard my Grandmother for over the years I have seen her fade away before my very eyes. I have heard that when someone you love dies part of you dies with them. I hope that doesnt happen to anyone. My grandmother died on 7/14/07. The good thing was she felt no pain and died in her sleep. Also everyone who she loved saw her. I will express my feelings in a poem.

The way she yelled at nurses
The way she smiled at me
The way she game me lemon drops
We dont have her
We have memories
We can cry
It cleanses the soul

There’s a bigger me Inside this little me Screaming out I should make history

-Justin Bieber

 Drive off take my girl to have a nice day
She was nice so I let her head my way
Look cute girl, what you wanna do girl?
-Better With The Lights Off by New Boyz
 
New Boyz ft. Chris Brown - Better With The Lights Off

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Don't just say, goodbye
I'll pick up these broken pieces
'til I'm bleeding If that'll make it right


-It Will Rain Bruno Mars

It Will Rain - Bruno Mars

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I mean, shit, I’m only 17
And um, a perfect couple’s only in a dream

-Tie Me Down by New Boyz

Tie Me Down-New Boyz (Feat. Ray J)

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Repetition

Looking through some of my notes I found don't remember where its from or why I wrote it:

Im feeling like I keep on talkin

I'm repeating Myself

my words lost all meaning

I keep talking

I repeat myself

@Rinab333