Update 2014

reading back at my old things makes me miss those days. but not really its hard for me now a days to sit down and just write about my life it probably has to do with the fact that i am over telling people stuff well not really i like to tell people things but i am really over the whole online thing but it also has to do with the fact its so hard for me to just sit down and write there are so many other things i could be doing but i decided i should update well i havent wrote a blog in what six months a lot has changed i went away to college and i am actually doing pretty good i found a perfect girlfriend now here comes the hard part keeping her around relationships are hard work but its worth it in the end. i have my own place now and i am starting to do grown up things which for all you kids out there isnt as fun as i thought it would be but reminiscing on these old blogs makes me remember how fun it used to be when my whole life was the internet

Infidelity: written on September 9, 2013

I have a lot of emotions and i feel like no ones listening to me

yes i am a very complicated person i like to portray myself as the hero:

the perfect girlfriend one who is better in everyway possible than anyone else I know what its like to be cheated on and i promise to never do that to you but sometimes the Hero, the angel she makes a mistake but what makes one mistake forgivable and another not when i get myself in a sticky situation i never find the right words to say or i do start saying all the right words to you but you just put on a fake face and i know behind that mask your cursing me and hating me. I know what i did is wrong i cheated i lied but i am not perfect and i have an addiction. something that if you ever knew me or were around me in my "player" days you know all too well look at it as alcoholism here is an analogy for a long time i was having fun and drinking until i found a reason to stop and when i stopped i realized that it betrayed me everyone i was so hurt so i did not start drinking again though i focused on something it became you became an obsession a way out of that disease of alcoholism i was sober for 3 years until i relapsed it was only a sip of a shot to me but to you i went on a drunken rampage bottom line is i relapsed i cant go back in time i flirted because of that i worry every night that you will leave every night im afraid i am afraid i have a rough past not a struggle with alcoholism but something that i am ashamed of and try to keep in my past. But now i am all the things that i hoped i would never be again a cheater a coward a liar. does True love really prevail? i believe it will because that is the only thing i believe in. I believe in US. I BELIEVE IN LOVE, I BELIEVE IS ME. I know that i can do it i just really laugh at the past how i always tell myself in long distance relationships or any relationships haha that was just puppy love it wasn't real love or the famous line it was just online it wasn't real. but the honest truth is the EMOTIONS are real. and that is one thing i have learned throughout my life betrayal is betrayal a lie is a lie it all feels that same. i am still sensitive and i am still an ass hole. things really haven't changed for me throughout the years i have been writing. But the one thing i hope i learned is once i have someone willing to deal with the real me something that cant be expressed through my writing i cant let that person go and i made a huge mistake that honestly anyone would have walked away from but i can happily say that i am head over heals in love. yet i hate myself and wanna kill myself half the time but i fill my days with my wife or writing or doing homework or even watching netflix to ignore that feeling of self hate never really overcoming it is that bad

i hope i don't regret writing this i needed to get this off my chest i know it is disorganized

Death Of My Father: Written on August 10, 2013

On march 31 2012 my father passed away

I'm going to go in order well on march 29 2012 it was my 18th birthday suppose to be the best day of my life right well it was probably one of the worst first let me tell you something about my self I am very antisocial so basically most of my friends ignored me so after the cake I got in my car and ditched the party well after I came home I forgot this part I think I lost the keys or something I do not talk about my father much but here's a bit of background information he was in poor health but in the year of 2012 he was actually starting to be healthy everything was looking good besides the fact he was starting to go blind in one eye. So that night I had lost the keys or something and I went to bed my dad decided to walk to the store at 4 in the morning and had fell it had been raining and he had already had a bad knee the police found him and took him to the hospital. From much urging from my dad he was released from the emergency room that day which shouldn't have happened so on march 31st 2012 I went had to go to work and my dad was yelling for my mom and my mom was getting agitated and then she helped him and took me to work when she came back he was unresponsive. To this day I blame myself for his death I never got to say goodbye to him I didn't tell him I loved him before he died I didn't do anything right if I hadn't urged my mom to take me to work he might be alive today but that's just my opinion.

Finding My Roots: written on August 13, 2013

Oh this year had been a very very difficult year I feel like I have told this story about a million times but I've never written it down :

so I need to tell you something about myself I'm adopted I was separated from my sister Tina and my sister Gloria at birth we were all taken away from our birth mother because of her drug addiction we all have different dads until we were reunited I have always had the opinion the hate that I didn't want to talk to my birth mother I was angry at her for crippling me or so I thought I was just so angry and my sister Tina my older sister after she had her kids she felt the need to find that something that mother figure so I helped her we found our birth mother along with tianna my youngest sister and I was introduced to a whole lot of new people In all honesty I feel overwhelmed all these people like I'm a loner and I have always been one I never felt like I fit in anywhere so I isolate myself and now a days my mom my birth mom tianna Ricky Tina Gloria they all wanna spend time with me and its so hard to juggled everyone just myself along with my gf who I want to spend every waking moment with to my sisters they think that I don't want to spend anytime with them funny I spent days with you funny so funny I just feel like the annoying little kid half of the time I mean its so hard I feel like they're all so much smarter than me that I don't fit In

Famous?

I always wanted to be famous but sometimes i think its too late know seeing all these kids get famous on youtube or instagram. I also think why cant that be me. Maybe thats one of the reasons i wrote this blog well not really. I started this blog on a site called peporonity it was pretty cool because people were actually commenting and helping me. I even started posting my same stuff on mocospace which is even more fun because people whose opinion i actually listened to would comment. i kinda miss that. On here all i get is span but i see that i have 4000 views which is pretty cool if u ask me. 

oh College...

Well right now I am sitting in computer science bored as ever wishing that i had my own car. if i had my own car i would be out of here by now. a lot has changed since i last wrote in this blog, but i will get to that later. I am about to graduate in may and i should probably be writing an essay right now on the reasons why i want to transfer but i am not. i should be paying attention to my teacher but i dont want to concentrate. i literally am sitting in the back of my class typing away on my computer. i am the only black girl in my class and the only female to top it all off i am a stud. sometimes i feel so like awkward. i dont want to draw attention to myself but i don't want to listen to her. anyway i decided to start writing again because well i dont write anymore i know i say i hate writing i do. i passed my English classes so i never have to write again. i enjoy writing when im bored to my anonymous audience that probably doesn't exist. i wanted to get a few things off my chest. I cant write sometimes i think it is myself because somehow i always got decent grades on my papers for English with no help from my mom or anything. but this application is really hard like i need a registrar and a person who should recommend me. i dont know any professors like i enjoyed every single one of my teachers but to go up to them and ask for a recommendation is gonna be hard as fuck. I am thinking about asking my computer science teacher i mean that is my major. im signing off for now i am gonna try to write this essay. 

Update 2013

A lot has changed since I wrote my last entry let me start with the major change in my life which basically put my life upside down:
march 31 2012 my dad died he died of basically suffocation  and to this day I blame my self 
When my dad passed away I was a senior in high school I had to redo all my college stuff I got accepted to a couple good colleges but I ended up going to a community college because they gave me a full ride 
Which is where I am at now it's the summer of my freshman year in college and I'm about to start my sophomore year 

In the love department a lot has changed.. I will do a separate entry on that but since blogging I found out what true love really is and maybe typing will help me recover since blogging I've had about 1 boyfriend and 4 or 5 gfs crazy right .. After all the aftermath and mistakes I'm basically the same girl I was 2 years ago ambitious and a big dreamer another major change is well I'm adopted and me and me Sister we found our birth mom that has been a crazy ride within itself which is a separate issue I will blog about and the last major life changing event was that i lost my home i lived in for basically my whole life so I'm going to write four blogs the death of my father, My coming of age story, finding where I come From, new beginnings and well something else oh and finding myself

Paradox

now im crying my eyes out over you i poured my heart out to u and u made me feel like shit you always leave me with this empty feeling that just eats my insides away u say your more mature than me then why do u give up in a relationship so easy i mean i can be the best gf ever although u treat me like shit are mean to me im still loyal to you and i still want to be with you more than anything and you just push me away like nothing matters point out all my flaws and tell me that u gave up along time ago this is why i think you dont give a shit about me this is why i think you dont love me because you dont want to make this work at the end of the day everything u say is just a cliche it doesnt matter u make me feel like nothing i do can change anything

From my Blog Cross Roads

Cross Roads

I may not be the smartest or the best but I do have big dreams. I am a dreamer. It may seemed a bit far fetched to say that i am going to be famous one day, or cliche but that is one of my biggest goals. I feel like right now i am at cross roads. The biggest decision of my life, college. Where should I go? I know what i wanna be and what i wanna do but i dont know where i wanna go. if that made any sense at all. I think about that a lot. I worry that what if i do choose to go one way and i miss out on the chance to make it to really do what i wanna do. I wanna have the college experience and move away maybe along the way grow more independent, but its not that easy. I dont have any money and i know this might sound weird but i hate writing i cant just sit down and write an essay on how blah blah changed my life this may sound a bit self centered but i like writing about things that pertain to me not something that i dont care about as you can tell right now i don't know im just lost right now and i dont have a lot of time to find my way and i just hope when i do make the decision it is not the decision that ruins my whole future and im stuck living a mediocre life i dont wanna be normal i wanna become a computer programmer and make my own operating system and have my own company

Love lost

I admitt it I'm a player and I got caught in my game but it comes with a price win or lose the game doesn't end til I decide to retire maybe this will be good for me
I slipped up
I got caught

Atone

Now I feel like you forever atoning for my sins
Asking for your forgiveness
Secretly knowing ill never get it

Text messages i never sent

To    : How come everytime i ask who your talking to its called being nosey but when u ask its called caring
How come everytime u yell at me its because your mad but when i yell im tripping
How come when i get depressed you walk away and when you get depressed you push away how come when i pretend dont say anything you avoid me but when i try i always end up saying the wrong thing when i cuss your mom doesnt like it but when u cuss its cool

To ......: U said youd talk to me later never did said youd be up late u disapapear didnt hear from you

im not obsessive or tripping

your just unreasonable

you give me nothing to work with

everyone i talk to says talk to you talk to you but how can i when your never around

I hate when people think im overreacting

maybe i should treat you like you treat me

Starting Now!

Crash

So the worst thing happened to me i got in a car accident i was driving to my friends house and the light turned yellow and i thought i could make it so i sped up didnt see the car coming and hit the car trying to turn and the car ran into a poll and the guy was yelling at me and i was so scared the whole front end of the car just fell off and the air bags went off it was terrible and my friend was in the car it was the most embarrassing moment of my life and i wrecked my familys only car now i just feel like crap i have to pay more money i dont have so im gonna have to work my butt off at work and try to get more hours but since its winter theyre already cutting people ...so its going to be hard for me to get hours in the first place i just feel so depressed and my friends in worse shape then i am im fine and my friend she is just gonna go back to the hospital i feel bad like this is all my fault when it happened i was really pissed and then i just got sad and was sitting on the floor crying and begging my mom not to be mad at me right when things were getting better i had to ruin everything
-rina burr

The Perfect Confusion

Written November 4, 2010

Always digging through my old writings

I rarely ever get what I want in a person. I want a relationship to be perfect. I want that other person to be just like me but better. I rarely ever get what you want. I just realized that person was right in front of my face the whole time. Side note: I hate naming names in my blog I feel like everyones invading my privacy but I'll do it anyway. Rebecca my ex she is perfect. Unfortunately I am thrust with exactly what I want and I don't appreciate it. Oh well but that's not my problem. My problem is that I'm depressed and I'm not sure why. I have what I want I guess one of my exes that I've been wanting forever I have what I want and I'm still depressed. Maybe it's not what I really wanted or maybe I'm just sad over the fact that I know I'm not supposed to be dating and I am. Maybe I'm sad because I don't have a real gf. It's probably that a week or so ago I had a gf for like a day. Then she realized she didn't like me. Shocker I know. No one likes me like that. At least no one who lives by me. Anyway I don't know what to do I don't wanna hurt anyone and I don't wanna be sad I just wanna be happy. It's weird how having just anyone doesn't make me happy anymore I guess that's a plus but I just wanna get out of this hole I just wanna be happy what to do what to do?
-Rina Burr

Dream: Mr...?:

Note:

This was written a while ago excerpt from one of my daily blogs

I had this weird dream if anyone knows what it means let me know MESSAGE ME COMMENT I WANNA KNOW!!! My dream Me, Derek, jhan and Leticia were playing in this field and we were playing with frisbis. Our cellphone were turning into frisbis through the memory slot. You just pull the memory card and it turns into it. Then Derek had to go and jhan told me to walk him to his moms car so I did. But I had to run to catch up to him. When I finally cAught up to him he was looking for his mom and I'm like Derek wait up. Then all of a sudden Derek turned into a dog. Beside derek was a computer. I took Derek home and the computer to investigate. When I got home Derek turned invisible so my dad didn't see him when he walked in. I took him to my room and turned on the computer it said mr. ....(I don't remember his name)'s computer. Next to Derek appeared an earwig. I looked on the computer and there was a series of numbers all under different names. They all appeared to be hypnotists. First was the mr... I called him first. When I called it said " the number you have dialed is not in service. So i called the next number underneath the first one. It was a lady hynotist. I called and then immidiately there was a knock on the door. I opened it and the lady in the picture on the computer who's number i was calling said "you called" I said "sorry wrong number". As she was walking away I said "do you know who mr... Is?" the lady got this horror stricken look on her face and disappeared. Then I went back to the computer and kept trying to call mr... I finally realized that the number on the computer kept changing everytime I looked at it. Then I woke up.

Entry From My Diary: Written 7/14/07

Dear diary today was a horrible day first it was good, but then when I heard my Grandmother for over the years I have seen her fade away before my very eyes. I have heard that when someone you love dies part of you dies with them. I hope that doesnt happen to anyone. My grandmother died on 7/14/07. The good thing was she felt no pain and died in her sleep. Also everyone who she loved saw her. I will express my feelings in a poem.

The way she yelled at nurses
The way she smiled at me
The way she game me lemon drops
We dont have her
We have memories
We can cry
It cleanses the soul

There’s a bigger me Inside this little me Screaming out I should make history

-Justin Bieber

 Drive off take my girl to have a nice day
She was nice so I let her head my way
Look cute girl, what you wanna do girl?
-Better With The Lights Off by New Boyz
 
New Boyz ft. Chris Brown - Better With The Lights Off

Powered by @Rinab333

Don't just say, goodbye
I'll pick up these broken pieces
'til I'm bleeding If that'll make it right


-It Will Rain Bruno Mars

It Will Rain - Bruno Mars

Powered by @Rinab333

I mean, shit, I’m only 17
And um, a perfect couple’s only in a dream

-Tie Me Down by New Boyz

Tie Me Down-New Boyz (Feat. Ray J)

Powered by @RinaB333

Repetition

Looking through some of my notes I found don't remember where its from or why I wrote it:

Im feeling like I keep on talkin

I'm repeating Myself

my words lost all meaning

I keep talking

I repeat myself

@Rinab333

Cycle of Pain

Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was this girl name Katarina who fell in love with Crispin. Katarina being the techie was on a website where she met Crispin. Katarina wasn't suppose to be on that website but was anyway regardless the consequences. Katarina believed Crispin was her soul mate they planned to get married and everything. The only problem was Crispin lived in tokyo japan. Katarina and Crispin agreed to meet in three years but Katarina had to pay for everything because Crispin was younger than her by a year and they wanted to meet as soon as possible. So after almost a year of them going out Katarina felt like telling her best friend Rina about the news Rina pretended to be happy for her and everything. However since Katarina didn't tell anyone except rina about crispin she told Rina everything. Rina started telling Katarina about god and saying it was dangerous to meet some random guy on the Internet who could just be a 40yr along with other religious issues. Katarina after a week was convinced and broke up with Crispin. But Katarina loved Crispin she became very upset. She would cry herself to sleep at night and almost killed herself luckily Katarina had Rina and god to save the day. But it didn't stop her from crawling back to Crispin. When she went back to him she was only confronted by more pain and suffering. Katarina would ask "do u still love me?" Crispin Said "yes" but every single time Katarina goes back to Crispin she gets hurt and she always ends up breaking up with him then getting back together with him. Katarina is so desperate to be loved Rina is in awe. Since Katarina went out with Crispin her self esteem has lowered she doesn't have a lot of confidence and she thinks she is ugly. There is nothing wrong with Katarina she is probably more beautiful than me but Katarina can't see that. Katarina is soo close right now all she has to do is let go of Crispin. The sad part is no one knows about this except for Rina. Katarina is too afraid to tell anyone...will the cycle ever end? Will Katarina live happily ever after with Crispin...or will it end up in her death and or rape? Every cycle can be broken Katarina is so close...

Chapter 2

So today Katarina told her friends about crispin they said that she could tell them that because they were her best friends. Katarina is still afraid right now of being judged. Also she is upset about crispin because she thinks he didn't answer her message on facebook. Crispin goes to boarding school and isn't allowed a phone. He can only go on facebook once in a while. Crispin and Katarina aren't going out officially because they broke up. But they still talk. Rina feels terrible because katarina was so happy until Rina started unstilling her religious beliefs upon Katarina. Rina feels as if she ruined Katarina's life.

Chapter 3

Rina is the only one worried about Katarina. Katarina is depressed and is denial. She tells Rina countless times not to worry about her. Katarina says she will never kill herself and is perfectly happy. But Rina thinks it's a lie. Katarina is too afraid to tell anyone the only person she has told is Rina and her two other best friends.

Video Games

Written: July 21, 2011
I've been talking to myself a lot lately but I feel like it's not enough I can never get it out into words so I took this time to sit down in just talk to you yes you the people the ones I write to you when I write I feel like I'm talking to everyone I feel like I'm just getting it out getting it off my chest so I took this time do you speak here goes nothing: so right now how I feel it's pretty happy I'm a bit hyper but I guess yeah this is me earlier I felt like nothing could lift me from the sadness so a couple days ago us playing this game I had to get to this one level so i could actually play the quest i wanted to once i got to the level i stopped playing the game i feel like thats my life the hardest part is the struggle and constantly dying and coming back to life and fighting the same battle again learning strategies perfecting skills so i can get to my goal but once i get there to my goal ... Bam the desire the drive its gone

Isolation and Alienation

Written: July 18, 2011

So its nice to just sit down and blog a lot has been on my mind lately well for starters i guess im feeling alone although i talk to many people online and i text some people i feel alone because the people i want to connect with dont wanna connect with me and thats why i feel alone someone once told me that im a loner i could be standing in a big crowd of people and still look so alone the main reason is because i isolate myself i do it at home im always in my room at school at work everywhere i know why in all situations maybe its because i dont wanna face reality my world is better than the real world although im always getting hurt

Failure

Written: August 17, 2011

So summer is over and school has started i had all these goals for myself and i feel like i failed i didnt buy a car i didnt get my lisence i dont have any friends to hang out with like a bff I dont know what college i want to go to I dont have any scholarships I know some people dont have these things but i know a lot of people who do and it saddens me that i dont cuz ive been wanting these things Or maybe i dont try hard enough But i can say this one day ill have those things but for now i feel as if i failed

Help???: Advice

So I've been dating someone online for almost three months and i don't know what to do I want to have a real stable relationship where I see the person often and go on real dates but this person doesn't have their own cellphone so I hardly ever get to talk to them and they refuse to meet me half way idk what to do my mom won't let me go all the way to where that person is just to meet that person even though I have the money to and she won't let me go without her so I have come up with a few options I could take the train disappear one summer day and come back at night or I could buy that person a phone or I could convince my mom (which would take a lot of hard work) or I could wait till I'm 18 or I could save up my money to buy a car what should i do help!!!

Day sixty seven of Rina's life

I have come to the conclusion that I am invisible in physics class I don't talk at all and I try to keep my head down in my phone in at all times its a quite day today someone I knew died today so everyone's sad its weird I don't know I worked with him on student council a lot last year and its weird it was just random you know I think I'm just gonna sit here and written this and text observing my surroundings not saying a word it makes me think what would happen if I died you know nothing people would probably say bad things about me lol anyway I should make this short I have nothing else to say besides I'm hungry

Day sixty six of Rina's life

Right now I'm sitting in third block which is physics and I'm wondering if anyone notices me I try to be invisible and blend into the wall my group is doing a lab right now I'm just sitting with my head down typing this a lot has been going on in my life I guess I really don't want to talk about it I'm trying to improve myself better and be more social and not shut so many people out you know I'm trying to reach out to people there is a test today in Spanish which is fourth block I didn't study I hope I do okay I spent study hall working on a project in flash for web construction its really cool ill tell you about it okay so I'm basically making a robot go across the screen and you click on a button to teleport it and then it goes to a future city and a little guy comes on the screen with a magnified glass that says look closer and then when you click on that it goes to a seen with a hover car its gonna be so cool then I'm going to have the robot teleport to a living room with a futuristic screen and then I am going to animate the screen with the words Rina and a pink apple logo its gonna be so awesome anyway I feel really awkward just sitting here texting Haha I just hate people I'm a table with all guys gah fml any way cant wait till lunch I'm gonna go to the library and eat with my friends of course I'm not going to eat but it will be all good so I guess I'm gonna go I don't have anything else random to say oh sorry for the poor punctuation I will fix it later
-Rina Burr

Day sixty five of Rina's life

So I'm at the hospital with my mom visiting my dad apparently they don't know why he still has an infection I don't understand most of it all I know is he's low on oxygen lol my day was boring besides this I woke up talked to cookie and then I ordered a pizza and a really creepy delivery man was there he scared the cap outta me I have to wake up really early tomorrow its gonna suck I have to work from 4:30 am to 11:00 am its gonna be fun cuz Maria is gonna be there I work it McDonald's if u didn't already know that ew he just threw up
-Rina Burr

Day sixty four of Rina's life

So shocker I'm blogging lol. Haha anyway I just got a new phone yesterday its my dream phone the HTC EVO shift. I love it so much blah I'm trying to use proper grammar but I give up its too hard to write commas and periods lol today was a boring day I went to school came home maybe ill write more later there's so much you have missed in my life not really ill catch you up later I plan on blogging more
-Rina

School?

I read the agenda for the school board meeting last night it took me a while but i finally understood it its very interesting basically it made it seem like if the union doesnt negotiate with the board and reduce they payroll then they aren't gonna bring back any of the teachers but it also makes me think
Teachers are being fired my favorite teachers she told me to pray for her today almost made me cry my school district my school has all the best teachers and because district 300 board just wants to break up the teachers union they make all these cuts just to force the union into negotiating pay reductions democracy is highly currupt and I can say this I bet only 10% of the people in this state are willing to make a change and the rest are just willing to deal with it because who cares about school our schools they blame it all on the students saying we don't care about our education well I care about my education and I care about my teachers and I know a handful of kids that do but were just teenagers and when we try to make a change the press makes us look bad and ...  all they care about is politics and money what about education ? This week was very sad at school even the principal sounded sad over the intercom I feel bad I wish there was something I could do but I'm just another 16 year old girl shaking her head at the world of adults I know someone cares 4-3 one voice can make a big difference hmm... Just thoughts 

Day sixty three of Rina's life

Today I decided I'm going to the fall dance. My mom is so excited she's like "take pictures". Oh mothers always the pictures. I am afriad I'm being used though. I hope I'm not. The only reason I don't think I am. Is because I automatically respect that person because it's my best friends cousin. I don't know I'm afraid I am though I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Stay tuned I guess that's all I have to say I said more on my blog on peperonity check it out if your curious.

-Rina Burr

Day sixty two of Rina's life

So I lied about the blogging everyday thing. Lol I'll try harder. It's so awkward writing blogs on blogspot. I feel weird. On here I actually have to try and it's annoying. Or maybe I'm not patient. On my blog on peperonity I have like tons of fans and too many unread messages. I don't know it's probably because I started that one first and I kept up with it all summer. I know loyal. I'm improving. Anyway today was a good day!! I helped my friend with her homework in cup. I got good grades and I took a test. Which wasn't reaLly that fun. Ugh I have to clean the bathroom today. I don't want to I'm really tired. Haha i know why I get more hits on peperonity cuz I'm uncensored I say whatever I want without worrying who's gonna read it. I can't do that here well I could but that would be a disaster. When i get more confident I will. Speaking of confidence I love my hair so much. I've gotten great compliments. I am going to try extra hard to keep this up because I like the way I look now.
Rina Burr

Notes from my iPod: long distance relationships

Written: August 8, 2010

I do hate stuff like this I came to the conclusion that I do not hate long distance relationships I hate when circumstances come to the point where I can't do anything to contact the person and the bad thing about long distance relationships is u can't just go up to their door there is my problem although it probably has everything to do with the past and how much pain I went through and I guess not knowing what's gonna happen next if your gonna be available the next day or the next eats away at my heart. I probably feel so hurt because it's like taking away one of the major things I love about you. You were available as much as me we could talk on the phone and do this and that but now it's like everythings slowly dwindling away and I know it's not your fault I mean life happens I'm just afraid things will get worse and we will hardly be able to talk or something.

Day sixty one of Rina's life

I feel like such a loser. All day everyday I do nothing but pass the time by playing on my iPod touch. Yeah I text a couple girls who don't even live by me but that's about it. Sometimes I'm on the phone with one of those girls who I met online. I don't have any friends. I never hang out with anyone well hardly ever. I don't know how it got like this. When I was younger I had a best friend who I hung out with all the time we used to sleep over at each others houses all the time actually hang outside of school. That was a friend. She moved though. After that it was never the same. A few years ago I had a lot of friends I used to hang around a group of girls it was great. I had it great. When we got into highschool everyone went their separate ways to different schools. I had friends but things were never the same. I don't have that friend anymore that I can just be like let's hang out and have a great time with. I don't feel comfortable. It may be to the extreme yeah I hang out with a friend at least once in two or three months. That's my life oh and the whole time I'm at home I'm just in my room 24/7. It's so bad I enjoy going to work because it's something to do to get out of the house. Well that's me in a nutshell. I wish I wasn't such a loser
-Rina Burr

Day sixty of Rina's life

So today was boring. Blah I bet no one reads this. Haha I do this just for fun. I know I said that previously but the reason I added a blog on blogspot for someone cool to read it. When I posted my post on facebook i got more hits. I kinda wanna put up my person stuff up her but then again I kinda don't. I do because its interesting and shows my feelings. But its like depression, suicide ecetera. It reveals things about my life i haven't told a lot of people I'm just gonna put a few up a day and see what happens. Anyway about my day it sucked!!! I mean school was alright but it just made me sad because I don't have what I want and it hurts ugh why am I so obsessed. I'm pretty sure that's not normal. I wrote a letter to myself. I'll put it up here.
-Rina Burr

Day fifty nine of Rina's life

Sorry i havent blogged in a while a lot of things have been happening but im going to start up again. I posted a few things on here but i deleted them. i dont know if this is weird or not but i dont like people i know knowing those personal things about me. the weird part is i dont mind strangers knowing them so i left the personal blogs on peperonity and mocospace. if you are reading this i do not advice you to go there. lol you will never know the links. anyway my day was pretty good. But not really i got D's on both my math tests i still got to turn in homework and i just hope and pray i did good on the test i took today. I got a tech prep program application from the counselor's office today. im worried i wont be accepted because of my attendance record :( if not maybe i should take statistics and finite math. Im worried about my brother he had a panic attack and is at the hospital now. my parents think i dont care about him but i do. Just because im not out in the living room witnessing the drama doesnt mean that i dont care. I can hear it all from my bedroom. im also worried about something else but im not gonna go into that. Its something im not suppose to worry about but i do all the time. I guess thats all for now. 

-Rina Burr

Notes from my iPod: Lunch

Written August 31, 2010
I'm bored in lunch idk what's better going to school or staying home. I guess getting away from them is better than staying in thAt stupid house. My parents are so annoying. I don't wanna be around them. The only reason I'm going home today is because I have to go to work and I gotta call them somehow. I don't have a phone. Also I have to walk in my uniform ughz

Broken heart

This entry was taken from my blog on mocospaces blog

Aug 6, 2010

All I wanna do is cry this sux so bad what does this mean? Is it a sign or bad luck. What's gonna happen? Should I pretend that I'm okay? If everything happens for a reason then is this really what I should do. I hate things where you can't fix it and I can't do anything about it. I hate when bad things happen to me and I can't do a thing about it. I can't do anything. Why does this happen to me? I was on cloud nine it seems like just yesterday and now I feel like someone took everything from me. And I'm left with nothing but all these stupid photographs and memories.

Unspoken words

This blog entry was taken from my blog on mocospace.

Jul 18, 2010

Hey I know this is weird but this is how I feel. And I am a very open person. Not with everyone of course only with certain people. I would tell you everything that happened to me from the moment i woke up to the moment i fell asleep. Am I weird for wanting to know more about you? I wish you were as open as me. When I ask you things out of curiosity you get annoyed and say "it's not about you so don't worry about it". I laugh and pretend I don't care when I know I just died inside. Sometimes I feel like I'm clingy or something. It's alright if the person doesn't care or doesn't know but if I feel that way about you I'm going to tell you how I feel no matter what. that's just how I am. I'm just sometimes feel as if I try to hard to express my feelings about you, I'm misunderstood. I just wanna show you that I love you. I can be completely obsessed with someone but I'll only do it if they are obsessed with me and are the same way about me because I don't wanna creep you out. I wanna discuss our future together but I'm too afraid of what your gonna say. I want what I can never have. I might already have everything I ever wanted but I'm too afraid to ask you.

Note: this was originally written to someone I love but I'm too afraid to send it, shocker, so I decided to put it on my blog at Mocospace instead

-Rina

Day fifty eight of Rina's life

So sorry I didn't blog yesterday. Nothing new is happening except I got a new belt and new shorts. They're Bermuda shorts. I like them and they go with my style. The only thing I don't like is the fact I had to get them from the little girls section in old navy. Haha but then again I don't really like any of the shorts I see in the juniors and women's section. And my mom agreed to buy me a backpack. So that just knocks off two items off my things to buy list. Yay! I didn't go to church today I woke up early though. I could have if I wanted to. But I knew my mom didn't wanna go. My mom wanted to go shopping instead and I didn't have any objections. I was suppose to hang out with my best friend Jhan today. Instead I spent all day shopping with my mom. I feel kinda bad that he came over to my house and I wasn't there I tried to call him and I left him a message. He ended up coming to my house anyway while I was shopping. I feel bad because I knew he's been wanting to hang out with me. But I'm hanging out with Derek my other friend and probably jhan on tuesday were going fishing! That should be fun. My life has been going spectacular on the love side. I don't wanna jinx anything lol because whenever I think things are going well my world crashes down around me :(. Which reminds me I have to text my other best friend leticia I gotta hang out with her sometime. One thing about me is I hate asking people to hang out. Idk why I just think it's awkward especially if they're coming over to your house. Then you have to be a good host and entertain them. How am I suppose to entertain them when all I do for fun around here is lay around and do nothing? Today I watched the movie 2012 and the blind side. They were good movies.
-Rina

Day fifty seven of Rina's life

Today I woke up watched some tv ate made chicken and then I drove to Woodstock. With my dad of course because I need hours so I can get my drivers license. I'm getting my license in october. Ok then I cleaned a lot!!!! Ok so this summer I've been obsessed with trying to make myself look good for school next year. I'm not going to lie I'm looking pretty hot! My skin is better than ever and I've been getting a nice tan. I just need to keep it up. Except I got two mosquito bites on my forehead. hopefully they will go away soon. Right now I have $54 i think all in my piggy bank I can't wait to get more money!! 
-Rina 

Day fifty six of Rina's life

Ahhh so I just wrote a bunch of stuff and it disappeared. Now I'm just gonna write it on my iPod touch notes and transfer it from there. I don't trust you Internet. Guess who didn't get yelled at? Yeah that's right me!! So today I woke up at 4 pm and my mom had just gotten home from work and she came in my room told me to get up gave me my medicine and a list of things to do. She didn't yell at me she just said she didn't want me to stay up late like that. Today I woke up made dinner which was pasta salad and fried chicken. Then I took a shower. After that I scrubbed the tub, washed the dishes and put them away, cleaned the oven, swept the stairs and vacuumed. Then I went outside and watched my brother set off some fireworks it was fun I think he set off a zipper, a tank and a strobe light. It was funnnnnnn. The police didn't come haha. My day was pretty short considering I woke up at 4 pm the rest of my day I just lied around and watched tv. I'm really hyper now I'm suppose to be asleep of course. 
-Rina 

Day fifty five of Rina's life

right now im doing one of those things i enjoy. staying up all night doing what i love. will i get yelled at for this in the morning? Yes oh wait it is morning. i will probably get yelled at for it when my mom wakes up. yay! that is fun. im sleepy i took my meds but im at the computer now. So i dont know if im gonna fall asleep in this chair or what. oh right now im watching someone sleep. i feel like a creep but this is what she wants. :)
-Rina

Day fifty four of Rina's life

after all my good grades are just normal for me it doesn't matter. People expect that from me so why should they care. But if I do anything less than expected than I get ridiculed. I can't mess up. I have to live up to my expectations. When all the praises leave the only thing left to motivate you is yourself. An outstanding work ethic is expected from me. Anything less then that is not good enough. The amount of work put in doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is it's perfection. Without that then it's worth half of what it was before. What happens when the money gets old and perfection wears out? There's still faith I will live up to and beyond expectations. Where's the faith when I'm getting money for barely doing anything where's the hope? I see how it is now I'm getting the same money for Doing four times the work I did before. People expect me to be happy about this. I try not to be selfish. But let's face it I love money! Funny thing is I don't put little certificates I get on the fridge anymore. I don't need people to be reminded of the my grades. I motivate myself to get good grades. I care about my education. All my certificates for good grades are in my room just a little reminder of why I care what I strive for. I might not be the hardest worker or the smartest I might not live up to others expectations but I try my best to live up to my expectations. Isn't that what matters, whether or not I'm happy with work? I thought it was the effort that counted? Whatever happened to a stable money flow whatever happened to a value on everything I do? That value is gone. My word isn't worth a dime. Neither is my work. I guess all I have are my certificates and a couple of friends. It isn't good enough in my eyes. I want so much more than I have. Do you miss that girl who would work twice as hard as me? Do you miss that girl who was respectful and kind to you? Do you miss that girl who you talked to all the time? Do you miss the old me? So do I. I don't know where she went. I don't know why she left. I didn't do this on purpose it's just a mess of bad choices. I wanna change but I don't know how. Nothing is going back to normal. I was disrespectful and now I'm just hurt. But in my eyes do you see the old me? The one you used to have faith in. Everything I do isn't worth a thing. Was it perfect this time? No matter when I do the work or how I still get half the amount for twice the work. Was Giving me money for doing a bad job a mistake or a lesson? If I work harder will things go back to normal? No.. Life isn't that good. I can't change the past but I can change the future by what I do in the present. Do you see the changes I'm making? are you proud? Do you see a disappointment? Do you see someone who is not me? Look into my eyes what do you see? I look into your eyes everyday through a mirror and all I see is someone who is worthless, a disappointment, a waste of life. When I look into your eyes I see someone who I hate. Is it the real me i see or is it just a reflection. I want so many things just so I can stop hating myself. I don't show it because I want to change. I wanna be someone who I can stop hating. I am changing does anyone notice besides me? The better question is does anyone care besides me? I rarely show hate to myself unless you are one of the few I confide in.

-Rina

Day fifty three of Rina's life

So this summer vacation i wanna earn enough money to buy several things:

• shirts 
• a pair of pants 
• a pair of shoes 
• a backpack 
• a belt 
• headphones 
• a ipod case
• a ipod charger 

I have been listening to a podcast called Dead Hunt.
promo

Day fifty two of Rina's life

I have been feeling lonely lately. I haven't Been talking to Hardly anyone lately :/
-Rina

Day fifty one of Rina's life

Well today was fun I guess. I couldn't sleep last night so I was so tired that I didn't go to church. when my mom got back from church she yelled at me. Then I ate and my best friend jhan came over and I taught him about the his iPod touch and I got him synced and stuff. then I cleaned and did my chores it's 5:04 Am right now and I just finished cleaning the bathroom. I hate bugs. Today I killed 3 earwigs eww did u know they can fly OMG EARWIGS CAN FLY!!!!

Comment

-Rina

Day fifty of Rina's life

Well today I actually did something I woke up ate cleaned watched tv did a video chat. I went driving today. Ok this summer I wanna make enough money to buy the following: a pair of shoes, a belt, a couple shirts, a pair of pants and a backpack. My mom said that's probably possible. I can't wait to buy things. I got my stuff taken away today. My moms trying to teach me a lesson to help someone out without being told just to help other people out.
-Rina

Day forty nine of Rina's life

Today I woke up made pizza and watched tv for a few hours. Then I went driving with my dad it was fun. And I got dairy queen yay. Ok so I decided to take better care of myself because I want to go back to school looking better than ever!!! So everyday I'm taking a shower and I'm doing all that hygien stuff. Also I'm making dinner everynight so I can earn some money. I can't wait to be rolling in dough.
-Rina

Day forty eight of Rina's life

so today nothing interesting happened. oh i broke my charger. so im going to start writing in this everyday so everyone stay tuned. so today i woke up watched tv and made some stoffers pizza. i went in my room after watching a few hours of tv i played on my ipod touch and texted and stuff. then i ate dinner and got ready cleaned and went to the store. im so happy though. because my mom went to bible study and two girls asked where i was. isnt that amazing im actually making friends. wooh go rina go rina goooo!!!!
-RinaM

Day forty seven of Rina's life

I found this:
I am Terina Ruth Burr age 12, and this is my life. First I was taken away from my birth mother because my sister was taking care of me not her. Latina Davis was seperated from me through the adoption agentcy. Then I got taken to a foster home. Big Rina was the mom and there were 2 kids one was named Shanon the other's name I can't remember. Until one day I got adopted at age 1.5 by two parents Carrie and Russle Burr. TO this day I call them Mom and Dad. I quikly ajusted to this new way of life and stayed in touch with Tina. I got to loiking my Mom better and look a lot like her. Two months later chris came along, I naturally got jealous, but got on with it quikly. I still keep in touch with Tina and am doing good with my first year in middle school.

Comment

-Rina 

Day forty six of rina's life

I had this weird dream if anyone knows what it means let me know MESSAGE ME COMMENT I WANNA KNOW!!! My dream  Me, Derek, jhan and Leticia were playing in this field and we were playing with frisbis. Our cellphone were turning into frisbis through the memory slot. You just pull the memory card and it turns into it. Then Derek had to go and jhan told me to walk him to his moms car so I did. But I had to run to catch up to him. When I finally cAught up to him he was looking for his mom and I'm like Derek wait up. Then all of a sudden Derek turned into a dog. Beside derek was a computer. I took Derek home and the computer to investigate. When I got home Derek turned invisible so my dad didn't see him when he walked in. I took him to my room and turned on the computer it said mr. ....(I don't remember his name)'s computer. Next to Derek appeared an earwig. I looked on the computer and there was a series of numbers all under different names. They all appeared to be hypnotists.  First was the mr... I called him first. When I called it said " the number you have dialed is not in service. So i called the next number underneath the first one. It was a lady hynotist. I called and then immidiately there was a knock on the door. I opened it and the lady in the picture on the computer who's number i was calling said "you called" I said "sorry wrong number". As she was walking away I said "do you know who mr... Is?" the lady got this horror stricken look on her face and disappeared. Then I went back to the computer and kept trying to call mr... I finally realized that the number on the computer kept changing everytime I looked at it. Then I woke up.  -rina

Day forty five of Rina's life

i'm so glad schools out!!!! no more worrying about being popular, not having any friends, not being smart, all my insecurities aren't put out To be butchered I hate school I honestly do but maybe it's trying to teach me a lesson. Not to care what other pple think. But it's who I am because everything I strive for deals with others perception of me if I'm a genius in my head and I get a reputation of stupid I mean that's not what I strive for i wanna be Noticed I wanna be a star I wanna be Rina I can't wait till next year I'm gonna prove be successful in whatever I do. This is an end to a whole new beginning. I'm Rina and I'm gonna show the world me. I'm sick of hiding my insecurities. I've learned so many things this year well the most important one is I'm going to lose friends eventually and really it's pretty easy losing a friend. So I'm a loner for a while but I made new friends and i am happier! things aren't that big of a deal then I make them out to be. Letting go isn't that hard. I've learned to make my own fun. Nowadays I can lay in bed all day and have just my iPod touch and be happy. It's not about the big things. I can always find something to do and I always will. It doesn't matter if I am hanging out with a ton of friends or just one. Because at the end of the day the question is: was it really that hard or painful? NO!!! I want to be popular but if all this time I wanted to wouldn't I have taken the initiative. So do I really want it that bad? No it's just wishful thinking. So y do I get upset? I need to stop take a minute and think... Do I really need this? The answer is no! I make a big deal over nothing. And when it comes down to it if that thing I wanted or wish to have or be never occurs will I survive? Yes!!! So why should I care!!! I think this is what I learned this year. It's time to be me it's time to be RINA!!! I need to be the person I am that person everyone seems to like.  -Rina

Day forty Four of Rina's life

Sorry I haven't been blogging it's not that my life has been boring it's that my life has been interesting. Ok well kiki is in boarding school right now so I can't talk to her although I sent her a four page letter back to back in the mail it's pro. But it takes like 6-10 days to get there. Blahh oh kiki called me on the phone the other day she was crying cuz she was gonna miss me. Ok so I have the song lol here it is: I hope u know By kiki If i had to fly a thousand miles to be with you id do it gladly i love you madly nd its killin me you are my breath my death my light my night you are my sunshine if i reach for the sun and land on the moon i no ill b here wt u if i walk 2 the light nd end up in night i kno ill b he wt u i hope you know*4 if you are every word i speak it must b perfect poetry if you are evrythng i see then its perfect for me you are my tears my fears my dreams my screams you are my everything if i wantd a cloud nd didnt no how i no ull b here wt me if i reachd for a star bt it was too far i no ull b here wt me i hope you know*4 if you knew how posible it is to love you completely for all eternity*2 -Rina

Day forty three of Rina's life

Ok so today was boring I don't really wanna blog but I have to. Today we did bench maxes in excel it was terrible. Like bry said I tried harder and I couldn't lift the bar which is 45 lbs sigh. I didn't even get to do my maxes cuz I spent to much time trying to push myself. It's ok though I lotioned my legs correctly so I was happy. I have weak upper arm strength She said she guesses she is wrong. Lately alot of pple have been saying stuff about my legs I think it's from running so much in excel gym. Yeah go me. Today was boring I was just worrying about kiki and I got all depressed after school and I ditched drIvers Ed again it's ok I'll go on Friday. Other than that I guess that's all I have to say yay I'm tired omg we have psae testing tomorrow so I gotta get a good night sleep. I can't wait to talk to kiki. She wrote a song about me it's awesome.
-Rina

Day forty two of Rina's life

Well I didn't reallY wanna blog but since it's almost twelve I kinda half too. So today was awesome I woke up and I actually went to church with my mom. Sandra and Erica picked us up. I even went to the teens group thing they had. Okay well it was an adventure and pretty scary I didn't really talk much I met two girls though. Sandra afterwards formally introduced me to them she made me shake their hands. It was different I guess. Me and my mom are going back next week yay I'm exited. That's basically all I did that was worth blogging about oh I went to the candy store afterwards and Sandra bought me candy it made me pretty happY. -Rina

Day forty one of Rina's life

Today was a good day except I'm kinda mad at myself the reason why Is because i was socially awkward on the phone it was terrible. I hate how socially awkward I cAn be at times. I just freeze up and have nothing to say and I get all quiet. Maybe it's just that person I was on the phone with oh well I hope I get over it. It's so annoying ugh :(. Well Im really happy because my moms finally accepting the fact that I go on mocospace alot and talk to people. She actually carried on a conversation with me. I think this was the best day ever. Tomorrow I'm going to church with my mom it's gonna be an anventure. And I don't think my mom hates kiki anymore this is great. :)
-Rina

Day forty of rina's life

Today was fun I guess haha I went to school talked to kiki while I could during school and I was on the Internet all of second block so my phone died during lunch. And jhan asked if I could charge it at the second half of third block it was awesome. Then after school I talked to kiki some more. And yeah all in all it was a good day we played handball during gym, watched a movie during chemistry, and Econ and health were boring. I meantioned kiki a couple times at the dinner table when I was eating with my mom. I have this feeling she doesn't like kiki. Oh well she will get over her dislike I hope. And now I'm sitting in my room bored. Oh I'm getting my hair Done again tomorrow. I'm just gonna get the exact same hair I have now though
-Rina

Day thirty nine of Rina's life

So I'm staying home from school again. I am sick cough cough sniffle sniffle. I am on a mission to go to north Carolina by The first week of august. I have no idea how I am going to get there. I mean I am going to have to ask my mom to drive me unless I want to get arrested. Or I could ask Harrison to pick me up and drive me there. However that would be way to much to ask of him. I could never do that. Sometimes I wonder if I ever think things through before I go promising stuff. I mean like my mom is going to say yes to going to north Carolina just for a day hahaha. I just get caught up in the moment but no matter how much I wanna go to north Carolina it's up to my mom. She already hates the person I want to see why would she agree to driving me there. She will be like blah it's a waste of gas blah blah blah. I just wanna go there so bad god please someone help me.
-Rina

Day thirty seven of Rina's life

Well today was terrible. But I guess alright I read some messages today. I got upset and I was suppose to stay after school I waited twenty minuets for my drivers Ed teacher. Then I didn't feel well I felt like crying so I went inside asked this lady where I could find my teacher. She toldme to check his room. Of course he wasn't in there so I just called my mom and left. Now I'm sitting in my room crying over something stupid all I wanna do is cry :(. Ok update my day overall is gotten alot better I'm really happy and I stopped crying :). I'm not sad anymore all I wanna do is sing dental care "I'd rather pick flowers Instead of fight And rather than flaunt my style I'd flash you a smile Of clean pearly whites"
-Rina

Day thirty eight of Rina's life

so today was the best day of my life. Although I didn't do anything it was the best I layed in bed all day and I got a call from someone and it made my day. I feel like I'm in the clouds. Sigh :) anyway I got in a fight with Ldog gahhhhhhhhh I'm a terrible friend I'm so selfish but it's ok I'll get over it.
-Rina

day thirty six of rina's life

why did i even bother to go to school today is gonna be a horrible day i can just tell. ok i wake up get in a fight and then i go to school. right now im at school in the library sitting at a table all alone i feel like crying oh wait i feel better derek came and sat by me and so did jhan yay!. where is brandon? Haha I feel alot better now my day turned out well i guess.
-Rina Burr

DAy thirty five of Rina's life

I hate Sundays they makes me feel like a total loser.I can't help the fact that I never have anything to do cause I'm a loser well that's not exactly the truth cuz I get to drive today again and do my chores yay soon my mom will owe me $80 cha ching. anyway my friend is always telling me that my happiness is ambiguous. That pisses me off I mean just because being with family and or god doesn't make me happy doesn't mean I'm confused about what makes me happy. Just because money and someone makes me happy doesn't mean I'm unclear on what makes me happy because I am clear on happiness. Try to be me for once oh wait you can't only I can. I wish I could clone myself then be my own bff that would be perfect
-Rina

Day thirty four of Rina's life

Well I'm just writting a random blog just so I'll have one for today but anyways Im not gonna wtalk about my day I guess I'm just gonna talk about what I've been thinking lately. Well I've been thinking about a lot lately and how much I've changed. I guess I'm happy but honestly I was happier freshman year even though everyone hated me and I was mean I didn't care because I was happy with my friends I didn't care about who hated me and I was happy with my life that was the Rina I've been my whole life. I feel like I lost a part of myself somewhere nowadays I've let go of all my mean ness but Ive lost so much I lost myself yeah the old Rina was mean and stuff but she could ignore everyone and everything and not care about a thing. I hardly remember the old Rina. The sad part is the old Rina was the one I was my whole life. Being the new Rina comes with too much being nice to everyone, and caring about what others think, so I have more friends but do I really??? I'm still doing nothing on a Saturday hoping for a new day. I do have a lot of friends compared to the old Rina but I don't really because Im not the kind of person who will invite people over or text someone unless I feel comfortable with it. I guess the only thing I haven't lost is my work ethic. At least the old Rina all she needed was her one best friend and she was happy but now I don't even have that anymore that best friend is still my best friend but I guess it's not the same. The new Rina is great I guess but not really because she already lost a friend. Looking back now I ask myself was it worth it??? No. The original reason I started being nice was I thought maybe me and Allison would be bff again but then I guess I liked how many friends I was getting and after all that I realized it wasn't gonna happen. But alas I don't care that much do I??? If I really did then I would actually start doing something I would try to reconnect with them but I don't feel the need to go out of my way to do that. I guess I just keep hoping something will happen we will be friends agAin. Haha yeah right that's not gonna happen. Well I will if I ever feel like it.
-Rina

day thirty three of Rina's life

well sorry i havent been blogging my life has been pretty boring so far and i finally have enough to say to feel like its something to remember. well first im in excel gym we normally run two laps either do stretches and then go to the weight room or play a game or run then do stretches. today we played handball because it was game day it was fun i guess. when we go to the weight room i always lift fives. bry said i was a strong person so i really need to work harder. anyway i have this weird obsession with gangster i know thats weird to say but it all started when these gangsters moved by my house. theres like six of them and they all go to my bus stop. Me and my friend used to count them and since then its evolved into something more complex. however i must point out that im not being racist i am being stereotypical u dont have to be an actual gangster. there are three levels of gangster ghetto gangster, gangster, and low level gangster. Being a classified as a gangster has very high standards its based off of: the way you look, your hair, the way you talk, the way you walk, and your personality. not everyone can be a gangster on my scale. ok the two main gangster are gangster girl the main one and gangster girl two. one day on the bus i sit with my friend elizabeth and i was looking in the mirror and all the gangsters we staring at me. it happened every thirty seconds for like five minuets. gangster girl is the main gangster because one time she used to take my seat everyday just to sit next to this one guy but its all good now because me elizabeth claimed that seat. i usually say something along the lines of thats so gangster hahaha. today was sorta boring im really tired. i overslept probably because i starting eating a chocolate shake at 11pm. not a good idea but i mean i just like had a split thought of i need chocolate shake. Luckily i wasnt late and my mom drove me to school. oh yesterday this girl who is a gangster but really nice and i was just like walking really fast all of sudden and shes like do you have adhd and im like no. i dont want people to think im wired or something i know a lot of people have it at my school but theres still part of me that thinks that it would make me seem less smart or something. last night i was so exited to write this blog. like ecstatic. i have no homework over the weekend yay. except i have to practice driving. my drivers ed teacher said i could pick any day to come in after school next week and drive. im gonna go eat oreos and then eat the rest of my chocolate shake and surf the web. -Rina

Day thirty two of Rina's life

Today was probably the best day of my life. i have been so happy today. i haven't been this happy in a long time. i entered school and i put my stuff in my locker and i saw natalie. then she told me to walk with her so i did it was a new experience and fun. Brandon is trying to make me and Geneva friends again. I have gym with Geneva but we were all separated by gym teachers and we have different gym teachers so i talked to bry who was in my drivers ed class before. i love school now because i know at least one person in each of my classes. my new classes are excel gym, global economics which is going to be a breeze because its advanced and then i have health easy a. ok lunch was a little trippy cause i was this close to talking to howard. it was weird i feel bad because i was being rude but really i just wasn't prepared for it like if i was i wouldn't have been like omg omg omg. however i pulled through and health was a saving grace and got me really happy. i came home from school with no homework i didn't even need my backpack. after school i came home an i played on my ipod touch and then went driving with my mom for like fifty minuets. even jhan said i was different today i was happier. i have just been really happy now a days because my life is almost perfect. i have what i want and i am actually happy that says a lot because i have never been this happy in a long time. I get messages daily from this person and that just makes my day. i love -Rina

day thirty one of Rina's life

Today was extremely fun I guess. Today was Easter. I went to my aunts house. My brother didn't go so it was sorta boring. I kinda was sad just a little that he didn't go because it's the only time I talk to him. The other day he did something nice though. I was in shock. He was on the computer and I was in my room and I left my phone by the computer and he brought me my phone from the computer. It was surprisingly nice I said thanks :). Ok my friend is acting normal I guess. Hahaha I got $30 in iTunes gift cards I'm pretty content. Also omg I got 16 cadbury bars!!!! 16 woooohhhhhh!!! Okay one thing I forgot to do over break was drive I'm so screwed for my behind the wheel test. I just have to practice Monday and hope for the best. I told my mom to get me 55 singles I am gonna take a picture of that. Then buy a camera not neccessarily in that order. Today at my aunts house I asked my mom "guess who added me on facebook? We were talking about her like 36 minuets ago..." and she said "kiki" nooo it's not kiki it's never kiki I'm not an idiot why would it be she always answers kiki. I think that that it's so stupid it makes me feel weird and I get all quiet and I feel like crying. i mean seriously. One day my mom is going to stop meantioning her name. we had an awkward talk in the car too it was sorta my fault though for bringing it up oh well I ended it so there best conversation ender "I don't wanna talk about it". Tomorrow I have school I have to get up in five hours and I'm not even asleep oh what a joy. I don't know what i am going to wear ahhhhhhhhhh. I kinda want to wear what I'm wearing right now but I've worn this like three days in a row but these pants I only wore once. Oh you know what I could wash these. Yeah this is my favorite outfit because it's the picturesque of my skater look. My mom keeps bothering me about branching out to other brands. This is because I wear fox shirts and sweatshirts flannels sweaters ecetera and dealias Morgan or Taylor jeans and Osiris or Nike shoes. By the way I have four pairs of shoes I wear regularly. I have just this year decided that my style is skater and with my money I've just been continually buying fox clothing. Of course now I have to save up those days are gone bummer :(. Wow i wrote alot. Have I said on my Nike shoes I have glow in the dark shoe laces and I have glow in the dark socks. One time I almost set the socks on fire there was smoke and everything. It's so weird that I've been blogging for thirty days. This is probably better than my diary. One day when I hit the 360th day I'm gonna read all my old post remember everything. Even the slightest detail of my life is crucial. That's why I'm doing this blog for me not for anyone else. Writing this blog is a way to express my feelings and pour my soul onto paper. All these memories Sad, happy and or depressing are all important to me. Even though right now i might be rambling it's still something to look back on. That reminds me I never blogged this but I should one time when I was at my friends house I was offered tequila i think idk it was somesort of alcohol. Anyway I said no thanks so did this other kid. My friends at the party I was at weren't drunk though so it was cool. And I kept thinking omg I'm sixteen I just experienced my first teenage normal conflict. I felt so awesome blah alcohol I could have tried it but I'm too scared. Alcohol is scary.
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-Rina

Day thirty of Rina's life

Today was fun it was also boring. it is these lazy days i love where i wake up, play on my ipod, eat, fall asleep, wake up, eat and lay in bed till five pm just listening to music and playing video games. monday i am going to miss these days. although today i did get a lot done i woke up ate frosted flakes and i think i played some game again called quizarium it was fun i must have played for like four hours. then i did my chores. i cleaned the bathroom and dusted and did the wash soon i will have $95 i feel rich. the sad part is i cant decide what i am going to buy while i keep thinking the money piles up and i have more options to choose from. other than that my day was boring i drank Gatorade today instead of water. it was the highlight of my day. one random fact is that my favorite gum is five gum rain flavor; it is the green one haha. my friend is being weird again but what else is new. oh wait i did start this new podcast today its called 

Notes From The Vault

A blizzard cripples an isolated stretch of US Highway where freezing to death would be a mercy. An antique broker holds the internet in the palm of his hand and learns what really brought the system down. In the forests of upstate Connecticut, a pair of college students visit the site of legendary hauntings.
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-Rina

day twenty nine of Rina's life

ok well today went surprisingly well of course its not like i did anything today. however i did wake up read a ton of messages which made me happy. although i got into a fight with my friend its all good now. i know i said i would blog everyday i was just in a bad mood yesterday sorry :(. but seriously from now on you will hear from me from now on everyday unless i start failing another class. okay well right now i am on spring break. actually it is going to end like soon oh nooo!!!!!!!!!. today since i promised i am going to write more see writing more. i have been playing this new game on my ipod touch its really cool its this trivia game. i have $70 and i don't know what to do with it i have a lot of clothes and there is not any specific clothing i want. this is probably because i went on a shopping spree and spent $300 on clothes. i am probably going to buy a camera with that $70 i have. lately i have been fascinated with taking pictures of myself it has been fun i guess. right now i am typing on my computer so its really going fast. my ipod just randomly turned off fun i bet its because it was out of power. my favorite song is beak your heart by taio cruz. my favorite part of that song is when he goes "And I know karmas gonna get Me back for being so cold. Like a big bad wolf im born To be bad an bad to the bone." Comment -Rina

Day Twenty eight of Rina's life

So today I had a blast I went to my friend Alis house it was a new expierence I made new friends and had a great time. Today was just a good day haha. I don't know what else to write. I have $55 dollars and I don't know what to spend it on. I guess I'll just cut it short today tommorrows entry will be longer I promise :)
-Rina

Day twenty seven of Rina's life

Today was awesome I first woke up at 8:30 am ate frosted flakes then texted fell asleep woke up ate more frosted flakes then I got ready. Next I put on my favorite outfit for my bday. My dad drove me to my school and I went driving with my drivers Ed teacher for an hour it was fun. Then I went home and Read messages on facebook and drove with my mom to my friend leticias house. We went to woodfeild and I spent over $300 on clothes I got an iPod touch case and USB cord, skull candy headphones, and clothes. I went to the apple store, pacsun, journeys, zumies, dealias, kohls, and this guy burned my hair!!??? He was like "can I try this straightener on your hair" and I was like "yeah" and it burned I was like omg my beautiful hair :o haha. I had a great time. Then afterwards we took Ldog home and I blew out my candels had pizza not in that order but you get the picture. Then me and my mom go out shopping again for a bathing suit because I'm going to alis house tomorrow and she has a hottub and she said to bring my suit. Ok I got a new bathingsuit but I just realized that I can't go in the hottub because I can't get my hair wet. I'll just have to text her in the morning I might go in there idk might. Haha anyway I had a great day except I almost cried...because of a certain someone by the name of wait nevermind ask if you want to know. -Rina

Day twenty six of Rina's life

Today well I woke up and I took a shower and got all ready then I went driving with my dad for about an hour it was fun!! Then I got hoMe and I did my chores I made arrangements for my birthday it's today I'm so exited I'll tell you about it tomorrow!!! Woooohhhhhh I Rina am officially 16. So readers of my blog everything is back to normal I will be blogging everyday at 12 am stay tuned.
-Rina

Day twenty five of Rina's life

Ok well I'm sorry I haven't been blogging for about a month so I'm going to give you a complete summarry of my life. Well first me and Brandon and geneva became friends again it was great. Unfortuantly a week later I got in a fight with Geneva and we aren't friends anymore. Basically she is afraid of me. Because I'm just that intimidating roar be afraid of the all powerful Rina roar!!!! Haha jk she just said I bully her. Hey all I can say is I definitly gave it my all to fix that friendship and strangly I'm happy. I haven't been on because I've had soooo much work to do in the end I got a c in trigonemetry because of my infinite stupidity just flunked the final gahhhhhhhhhh I was sooooo closeeee!!!! I'm such an idiot. Anyways I'm 99% sure I failed chemistry final I check today again. Also well I'm just really happy now a days Katarina and crispin are back together yayyy!!! Well that pretty much sums up a month of my life. Now that it's spring break I'll be blogging alot more I won't miss a day i promise if u promise to read. Okay plan.. Today I did nothing except lay around all day those are the best days. One last thing my birthay is MARCH 29 MY BIRTHDAY IS MARCH 29 REMEMBER
-Rina

Day twenty four of Rina's life

So Sorry I haven't been blogging that much I haven't felt like it I have a ton of make up work and crap. Anyway in the mean time I feel terrible because u broke up the three musketeers by doing something stupid fml. I ruined three friendships I hate my life. On the brightside I had this weird dream if anyone knows what it means let me know MESSAGE ME COMMENT I WANNA KNOW!!!
Here's my dream:
So I was playing this horror game on my iPod touch but it was really realistic and it was like u were in the game and everyone else playing the game was a real person playing it so in the beginning u have to walk down the stairs and behind u is a door I kept losing the game so I gave up turned around and opened that door in their was just a couple beds or so and then Geneva came up the stairs and I started talking then pple started coming up so she stopped and then I went over and talked to this one girl who goes to our school and I turned around and said to Geneva "can I talk to u" so we explored and went up and found a kitchen and I said to Geneva and I said "i'm not very good at this game" she said "I am" and puts a syringe with orange fluid in my leg and I start flipping out I took the needle and stuck it in Her and I started booking it I ran out the door and left looking for an exit.
Here's another dream:
I was at my Highschool and student council was running this event. Then they painted my face red and captured me in a dungeon. Next girl with blonde hair and blue eyes rescued me from the dungeon. afterwards the guy who captured me was looking for me and I was trying to rub my red face paint off. my hands were so sweaty when he looked at my face that he passed me and said "I guess she was killed so u guys can go" then we all left and people started stealing knives and forks. We were all waiting outside for our rides. I didn't have any weapons so I asked kennedra "can I have some of your knifed?" I asked her because she had so many knives. I then realized I didn't thank the blonde girl who saved me. I started asking people "have you seen that blonde girl who saved me?" finally edyta answered me and said "yeah she is right over there" I went up to the blonde girl and said "thank you for saving me" the blonde girl said "yeah no problem" I asked her "do you go to Dundee crown" she replied in a hurry "no I'll explain later I got to go" and she ran inside. then I went up to jhan and said "maybe she is an angel" and jhan replied "nahhh" then I was going to ask jhan for a ride but he was already giving one to Makiah so I didn't ask.

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-Rina

Day twenty three of Rina's life

So today which was technically yesterday was a bad day that is why I didn't blog. First in chemistry I messed up the whole lab and Jimmy made me feel horrible about it. I hate when I do dumb things. It hurts my reputation as a smart girl. Grr then Idk what else happened it was just a bad day oh then I drove for the first time it was fun I'll right more in tommorow's entry. I have a ton of homework so i'm busy a lot. I'm taking a break right now
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-Rina

Day twenty two of Rina's life

Today was a bad day. I woke up read some messages went to school and found out the most shocking news of my life. I mean everyone knew it but i refused to believe reality until now. And the sad part is it hurts even more than when I ignored it. My life is just getting better and better!!! And guess what I hate this one girl I know it's mean and petty to hate her but I don't care I'm sick of this crap!!! Seriously could one good thing happen to me??? No I just get piled with hw given a stupid test I didn't even know about and I hear my biggest fear is true. All I want to do is cry I don't wanna go to school tomorrow. And then after that I went hope did a bunch of homework and cried oh wait I still am. Sighs...:'( Comment -Rina

Day twenty one of Rina's life

Today was a blast. I wrote alot before this but it just disappeared ahhhhhhhhhh magic....!!!!!????!!! Anyway all I did today was play eliminate pro, listened to the round red stone, my nose bled, cleAned the bathroom, watchEd amityVille horror, watch the end of the pregnacy pact, and studied. Also I looked into different tHings to invest my money in. The round red stone is an awesome podcast check it out:

The Round Red Stone

This tale concerns a lad of twelve, who sets off unwillingly on a journey with his uncle. In the course of his adventures, he obtains a stone, whose ultimate meaning is tied up with the fate of a war between two cities. As commonly happens with boys, he finds himself at the center of the conflict. Can he divine the stone’s purpose in time? Even more importantly, can he even hang on to it? The story includes a mystery, long journeys, prisons, adventure, and living out-of-doors. There is also a fairly large battle at the end, with plenty of blood. Death appears throughout.
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-Rina

Day twenty of Rina's life

Today was fun I went to see a movie with my friends. Then hung out with Brandon and Geneva. Oh sorryy if I haven't blogged for a while I just was sick and I doubt u wanna hear about how I lied around all day. The most exiting thing happened the other day I had a really bad nose bleed and it was just gushing blood to the point where I was coughing up my blood. It was just delightful. Hahah Im kinda bummed cuz now I have $10 instead of $20. I can't buy anything with $10. I can't buy clothes. I don't wanna go to school Monday all I have to do tomorrow is do my chores and study. Blaahhhhhhhh for my bday I want $$ so I can go on a shopping spree. I want to buy clothes but now I can't darn. For the past like week I have been in this dream state I thought some days were a dream it was weird. One thing I want to do before I die is tip a cow!!!!!
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-Rina

Day nineteen of Rina's life

Today nothing really happened I am still home sick. I was kinda not tired today so it was weird. I stayed quiet though. I didn't really wanna cause a rucus. Today I have been trying to get homework from my teachers
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-Rina

Day eighteen of Rina's life

Today was another horrible dAy in the life of Rina all I did was lay in bed all day and cough. 8
j Ike up today and I was coughing and I thought it wads
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-Rina

Day seventeen of Rina's life

sorry for writing this late but í got sick and all í wanna do is sleep. í feel terrible and í was crying for three hours yesterday. í was still upset about the whole rina, katarina, and crispin thing. right now im lying in my moms bed watching tv and my throat hurts. owwwwww
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-Rina

Day sixteen of Rina's

Well today was boring.. Yawn!!! Except I got my permit today. Also I start driving tomorrow I'm spool excited. I'm kinda tired though I have to get up tomorrow cuz I need to do the dishes. I didn't have a lot of hw today. Idk what to write I guess this is It okay bye
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-Rina

Day fifteen of Rina's life

Today was boring all I did was lay around play some video games and I totally guessed on all my homework. I did my chores today but I didn't get any money. This is because I spent $20 at the mall on food pencils and pens. I am extremely bored and I can't wait to go to school tomorrow it's what I live for. Haha not really I just want a muffin from the cafeteria. I got the album animal by ke$ha and I got the song how low by ludacris. Suprisingly there was no yelling today. Well I will pick up from the story cycle of pain: Rina is the only one worried about Katarina. Katarina is depressed and is denial. She tells Rina countless times not to worry about her. Katarina says she will never kill herself and is perfectly happy. But Rina thinks it's a lie. Katarina is too afraid to tell anyone the only person she has told is Rina and her two other best friends.
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-Rina

Day fourteen of Rina's life

Well today was Fun I guess. I went to the mall with my friends Brandon and Geneva. Then we went to office max and I bought pencils and pens yay. Then we went back to Geneva's house and hung out. I'm still sad about yesterday all I wanna do is lay in bed and cry. I'll tell u in a story form picking up from yesterdays blog. So today Katarina told her friends about crispin they said that she could tell them that because they were her best friends. Katarina is still afraid right now of being judged. Also she is upset about crispin because she thinks he didn't answer her message on facebook. Crispin goes to boarding school and isn't allowed a phone. He can only go on facebook once in a while. Crispin and Katarina aren't going out officially because they broke up. But they still talk. Rina feels terrible because katarina was so happy until Rina started unstilling her religious beliefs upon Katarina. Rina feels as if she ruined Katarina's life.
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-Rina